


In My Veins

by Tulikettu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bottom Fjord, Caduceus Clay Needs a Hug, Everyone is naked, Fingering, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Hand Jobs, Inner Demons, Intimacy, M/M, No Beta, Not Beta'd, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Loathing, Tags will be added, Top Fjord, a little bit of, bottom caduceus, brief major character death, dominant Caduceus, first hand job, let me know if you have suggestions, outer demons, previous captain avantika/fjord, red and green used for consent, spoilers for episode 98 onwards, stupid romantic feelings, top Caduceus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:28:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27616256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tulikettu/pseuds/Tulikettu
Summary: Five times Fjord and Caduceus keep it a secret. One time no one cares.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 27
Kudos: 88





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. This was going to be a short 5 times fic but it's turned into a 7 chapter, 32,000 word monster full of smut and also some adventure. Mostly smut. I started writing this back when the gang were at Traveller Con so there's not really any spoilers post that. This chapter is the shortest and the cleanest, so tune in next time for the stuff that earnt it the explicit rating. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Like many other things in Fjord’s life, the first time is a complete accident. 

He’s standing in the captain's cabin on the Ball Eater early in the day following the night that he died. Just standing. The bed sheets are covered in his blood, the door to the balcony is off one of the hinges where he’d propelled himself through to try and escape, and it creaks and groans it’s complaints at him. 

And he thinks of Avantika. Of being in bed with her here. The thought adds to the already painful churning in his body and he tries to push it away, like the early curls of seasickness. She haunts him. Leaning over his shoulder, in the shadow of their dirty god, sneering at him. 

Fjord clenches his fists a few times to see if that will help. It doesn’t, particularly. He wonders if vomiting will actually help, but his insides are still raw from bringing up the ball earlier. 

What a fucking day.

There’s a creak - so soft it’s barely audible - on the boards behind him. Fjord feels a prickle of nerves, feels his hand flex as though to summon Star Razor, but he thinks he’d be dead already if it were anyone coming to kill him.

Glancing over his shoulder Fjord sees Caduceus standing there, looking guilty for interrupting his moment of solitude. 

“Hey, Caduceus.” He wills his body to relax, his muscles to unclench, but he stays as tense as he was before. 

“I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t- uh- I just wanted to check on you.” 

Fjord gestures for Caduceus to come fully into the room, watching as the door is closed behind him, secluding the two of them together. He looks exhausted, dark smudges like bruises beneath his eyes, but his expression set a little firmer than before. 

“Not check on you, but- I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Caduceus continues. His ears are flat against his head, and Fjord has watched him long enough to know it means he’s anxious. Because of Fjord. He remembers Caleb’s words from the early morning, the cold, wet pre-dawn.  _ Caduceus fought hard for you _ . 

Fjord doesn’t deserve this man. And yet here he stands, worried, wanting to do more when he’s already done so much. This man who lived in solitude, who left his home to help save people he didn’t know, this man who had never left the area he’d grown up in, who was bemused by so many things is now so much stronger than Fjord could ever wish to be. This man, who has unwavering devotion to his deity, who lead Fjord to Her light, had allowed Fjord to participate in the most personal and intimate part of his life without hesitation, and hadn’t faulted Fjord for all of his terrible life choices-

“Thank you, Caduceus,” Fjord says softly, unable to meet the other man’s gaze, instead focusing on the triangle of skin at the base of Caduceus’ throat where the top of his shirt is opened. 

“Oh, I’m sure the others will be bothering you the rest of the day, I’m just trying to get in first-”

“No,” Fjord cuts him off, shaking his head and wishing the jest from Caduceus’ last sentence reached his expression, perked his ears up, brought light back to his eyes. Fjord has always drank in that light greedily, let it wash over him and believed for a while that he was worthy of it. That he could be worthy of being the moon to Caduceus’ sun. “I mean for earlier. For bringing me back, for pulling out the orb. For- literally everything. Gods, I don’t know.”

More words dance back through his memory, the whispers from Jester to Yasha and Beau at breakfast whilst Caduceus was still in the mess fetching food. A little too loud to be kept private.

_ I’ve never seen Caduceus angry before-not until Fjord was- _

“It’s fine, it was nothing,” Caduceus shrugs his shoulders and dismisses the gratitude as he always does. 

Fjord lifts his head so that he’s giving Caduceus his full attention, which is the very least he deserves. “Caduceus, it wasn’t nothing. You brought me back from the dead. And then you took the orb from my body.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it hurt any less,” Caduceus says softly, lowering his gaze from Fjord’s and looking down at his hands. 

Exasperated, Fjord steps forward a few paces so that he’s just out of arms reach of his cleric. This at least serves the purpose of drawing the gentle pink eyes up to meet his own, Caduceus’ impossibly long lashes visible from this small a distance. 

“You’re amazing, Caduceus. I’m sorry we don’t tell you enough. I’m sorry we don’t assure you to the point that you just know that you’re important and we need you,” Fjord says, wanting to reach out for him, as though balling his fists in the front of Caduceus’ shirt will somehow force him to believe him. 

Caduceus is looking at him in that way he does when he’s getting a read on someone, and Fjord just thinks his gratitude, his wonder at this man who had walked into their lives and made them all better people- something feels as though it’s unlocking in Fjord as he looks at Caduceus, something is blooming again in his chest. Something he’s already been very aware of for months, something he wants to push down right now when the subject of some very private thoughts is standing right in front of him. But it’s almost impossible when they’re only a handful of hours away from the miracle that Caduceus performed. No, not one. Two. Removing the orb was no little feat. The power that Caduceus can channel is glorious. And Fjord would bet their cleric isn’t even aware of it. He just does it. And maybe it’s the light of this man bringing him back from the dead, but Caduceus and his power is really fucking attractive. 

Caduceus brought him back to life and pulled evil from his body.

“How is your wound?” Caduceus asks, his gaze raking slowly down Fjord’s body in a way that makes Fjord think that maybe he hadn’t been too successful in clouding the feelings which have suddenly surfaced. Either that or Caduceus just doesn’t know what that kind of look means. Which is just as likely. 

“It’s- it hurts,” Fjord replies, touching his fingers to the places where he’d been hacked open. The skin has healed over, but it’s still knitting itself together and it maybe stings a bit. Nothing that isn’t manageable, but if it maybe gets Caduceus to stay a while longer-

“May I?” Caduceus asks, gesturing for Fjord to bring himself and his wound closer. “Uh, may I see it?”

Fjord has had many thoughts, some spontaneous but of late many very planned, of how the two of them end up without clothes. He’d had the decency in the beginning to at least try not to think about it, of all the things he could show Caduceus, all the things he could teach him, of how he could ravage this beautiful man. And he’d been strong for a while, but Fjord isn’t a good person. So as he’s pulling off his shirt and dropping it to the floor behind him his brain is building up one of his favourite scenarios. Injured Fjord, healing hands. 

Caduceus is so sincere though, his own thoughts pure and solely focussed on helping Fjord. 

The wound is cleanly joined together but there’s a scar evident, stark against Fjord’s dark skin. 

Caduceus sighs, brow furrowed. Fjord wants to touch his fingers to that little crease, caress it away, make him happy. Make Caduceus happy. Bring the colour back to his hair, make his ears perk up again. Stop this sorrow he’s feeling in this big, scary world that he never intended to see. 

Caduceus is amazing.

It’s Caduceus’ fingers that touch first though, softly lighting on the centre of Fjord’s chest. A wave of healing washes through him, feeling only the way Caduceus’ magic does. And as there’s only a little sting, the rest of it is pleasure. That’s a surprising effect Fjord wasn’t aware of. 

Fjord gasps out a sound that is, to his horror, very like a moan. And  _ that _ makes Caduceus’ ears prick up. 

For a second Fjord debates making an excuse, but fuck it. He meets Caduceus’ eyes, certain the firbolg can feel the quickening of his pulse beneath the fingers that still rest on his chest. At this distance he can see the flecks of lilac in the pink irises, the depths of wisdom they contain, and the way his pupils dilate.

“Well, I think you’re probably in better shape than I suspected,” Caduceus whispers, and again he looks Fjord up and down. And if Fjord sucks in his stomach a little bit and flexes his muscles then it’s just between them. His eyes are trained on Caduceus’ face, and there’s the little curve of a smile on his lips. 

“I have been working out,” Fjord teases. 

“You know what I mean, Fjord,” Caduceus replies, smile growing. “Although your hard work does seem to be paying off,” he adds, pointedly looking at Fjord’s arms, the biceps more obvious, more defined than they had been before. 

“I didn’t know healing had such a nice after effect if it wasn’t necessary-”

“Well, maybe you should try it next time you’re alone.”

Fjord isn’t expecting that kind of comment, and it makes his heart skip in his chest. Caduceus is flirting, isn’t he? This conversation is getting suggestive. It’s like opening a gift and realising it’s so much better than you were expecting. Fjord had been under the impression that Caduceus was asexual up to this point, and that might still be true, but he clearly knows more than he’s let on before. Now Fjord desperately wants to know what goes on in Caduceus’ head. 

“Oh, is that what you were getting up to in all that time alone?” he asks. And immediately regrets it. Caduceus’ face goes blank for a second, and Fjord hates himself. Fucking hates himself. This is why he can’t have anything nice. This is why he can’t have Caduceus. Why he’s put everything he can between himself and this amazing person standing before him. Because he breaks everything he touches. 

“I had a lot of time to learn things,” Caduceus whispers at length, his already rough voice an octave lower. “Very little of it I can apply to the real world-”

“I don’t know about that,” Fjord murmurs, apparently unable to stop himself from constantly shoving his foot in his mouth. 

“-but I didn’t waste all of my time.” Caduceus cocks his head, his ears twitching. The smile starts to return. “I was getting ready.”

Fjord is undeserving of that, too, but he’s basking in it. “What were you...for your family to return?” 

“To save you.” Caduceus gazes into Fjord’s eyes unwaveringly. 

“The hero I didn’t even know I was praying for,” Fjord breathes out, remembering the soothing words Caduceus had bestowed upon him on the volcano. Words that made Fjord feel stronger than even the powers the Wildmother saw fit to give him. “She must have heard me and knew I needed you.”

“And lead the others to my door,” Caduceus finishes for him, as though it’s a legend written in stone that they’re reciting together. 

Fjord’s smile is genuine, not something he can suppress or cloud with his darkness. The thought of that warms him right to his soul. And the smile is mirrored on Caduceus’ face. It gives him radiance. Fjord’s heart aches. 

The fingers are still pressed to his chest, and Fjord feels something akin to drunkenness as he lifts his hand and lays it over Caduceus’. His thumb brushes the soft fur on the cleric’s knuckles, and he watches their path over each little bump. 

“Thank you for finding me,” he whispers. “For everything you’ve done for me. For the sword, and the medallion- for bringing me to Her.”

“I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think you were worthy,” Caduceus replies. “Fjord, your soul shines so brightly. I wish you could see it. I wish you could see you the way I see you.”

Fjord meets Caduceus’ eyes again and he sees it. Sees the love pouring out of him. And if Caduceus, honest, good, open Caduceus thinks Fjord is good then somewhere inside him it must be there. 

He lifts his other hand and cups Caduceus’ cheek, sliding his fingers up to his undercut, tracing the line of shaved hair to the back of the firbolg’s neck. There’s a moment of resistance, but then Caduceus is leaning in. Fjord meets him half way, breathing in the gasp that falls from Caduceus’ mouth as their lips meet. 

After a heartbeat of hesitation Caduceus is pressing closer like a man starved of air. His free hand makes it’s way to rest on Fjord’s hip, purposefully resting on his bare skin and making Fjord shiver. It’s the most innocent of touches but it thrills him, makes him flush warm all over. 

Fjord relinquishes his gentle touch to Caduceus’ hand in favour of pressing his fingers desperately to the other man’s chest to try and find a way in, to find some way beneath all the fabric that bulks Caduceus out on his small frame. He makes a frustrated noise before finally managing to pull the fabric out of Caduceus’ pants, sliding his hand beneath and finding the warm, fuzzy skin of Caduceus’ back. Simultaneously it satisfies Fjord’s need to touch and lets him pull Caduceus closer. 

The desperate press of lips eases out to something easier though no less heated as both of them realise they don’t have to get in as much as possible in a few seconds, that they’re not being pushed away, that this is reciprocated. 

Caduceus kisses Fjord with a reverence that completely contrasts with the dominating force of the last person that Fjord kissed in this very room. Caduceus kisses like he wants to make Fjord feel good. And he does a great job of it. 

There’s a pang of jealousy in Fjord, thinking of Caduceus kissing someone else, anyone else, of him pouring all of these feelings onto anyone but him.

Fjord is a goddamn hypocrite. 

Their lips have parted for each other, the kisses deepening. One of Fjord’s hands is now buried in Caduceus’ hair, the other trying to map out every inch of the body it roams over. Caduceus’ hands lay relatively still, resting on Fjord’s chest and gripping his hip. 

Fjord really wishes he could will that hand over a little. He’s growing hard, he’s hungry for a more active touch. He wants to show Caduceus how and where to put his hand, show him how to make Fjord moan. He wants Caduceus to hear his own name on Fjord’s lips as he comes. And then he wants to take Caduceus’ apart with his mouth and fingers. He wants to have Caduceus naked and worship him wholly. The thought makes him moan softly, fingers gripping a little harder, tugging at Caduceus’ hair and pressing against his back to draw him nearer. 

Fjord takes a step back towards the bed and Caduceus follows. 

And then he doesn’t. 

Fjord is left with nothing. Caduceus’ hands and mouth are gone, and there’s a moment where Fjord thinks that he was dreaming, and then and even worse moment when he thinks something has happened to Caduceus-

He opens his eyes at the same time he realises that Caduceus is talking to someone, and Fjord really needs to remember that kissing Caduceus literally breaks his brain. 

“-checking in on Fjord and we got talking,” Caduceus is saying towards the closed door.

“Oh, with like...religious stuff?” Yasha’s voice comes from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, my fault,” Caduceus says lightly, tucking his shirt back into his pants with fingers that were on Fjord’s skin not moments ago. 

He finishes straightening himself up and turns his head tentatively towards Fjord. Fjord, who is standing helplessly, half hard and half dressed and hungry for more kisses and to get Caduceus into bed. 

“We’ve been missed,” Caduceus says. “Well, you have,” and Fjord is at least gratified to hear how rough his voice is.

“Caduceus-” Fjord starts, though he doesn’t really know what he’s going to say.  _ Don’t go. Ignore them. Stay with me. _

“Put your armour on,” Caduceus adds, taking that missed step towards Fjord, reaching for his hips. “Please. We don’t know- anything. You need to be safe.”

“I hope you’re going to do the same,” Fjord replies, pointedly running his fingers over the other man’s chest because Caduceus is all soft cloth over his fragile, warm body. 

“Yes, Captain. I’m going now,” Caduceus smiles, and it’s full of warmth and a little undertone of regret at having to stop. “I’ll see you on deck.”

They dance around each other from that point. It hurts a lot. Well, it hurts Fjord, but he’s the one full of unreasonable pining that he had _almost_ satisfied. Caduceus isn’t avoiding him, even. He just resumes being his wonderful self without acknowledging anything happened, moving among the rest of the party and spreading his wonderfulness. 

And Fjord is okay with that. He can’t hold onto Caduceus. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second time they keep it a secret.
> 
> Safely back in Nicodranus after Traveller Con, Caduceus is having difficulty with everything they've been through. 
> 
> Fjord might be having an emotional crisis.
> 
> They're sharing a bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing this fic for a while. I started writing it just after I watched the Traveller Con episode, so everything from this point onwards is a canon divergence. 
> 
> Now we're finally on the sexual content. I really hope you enjoy it. I'm having a nervous time about posting.

Fjord takes a deep breath as they step out of Yussa’s tower, basking in the smell of city and people. It’s never been a thing he’s wanted before, never been a thing he’s hungered for out on the ocean. The smell of the sea used to feel like home, but being on the island

gave him his fill for a little while. 

It’s all behind them now. Fjord never thought he’d be glad to not be heading out in a boat any time in the near future. They have a new mission, and the odds are it’s going to keep them on the mainland for the time being. 

They all disperse into Nicodranus to get what supplies they need, to stock up on spell components and healing potions, to get their equipment fixed or to just let their legs move on dry land for a while with the agreement that they’re going to find each other at the Lavish Chateaux for dinner and rest. 

So it isn’t until they head to bed that Fjord finally gets to see Caduceus alone. He’s later to the room than the other man and finds him out on the balcony, leaning against the railing and looking out towards the horizon. 

“You okay?” Fjord asks, moving to lean beside him. The sea air smells better from a distance. He’s sure his love for it will return.

“I’m really glad to be back,” Caduceus says softly. “That was...a lot.”

His ears droop and Fjord feels his heart break a little. He inches closer and puts his hand on Caduceus’ shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You did really well, I know we went through a lot, I know it was tough-”

“I’m going to go to bed,” Caduceus says, cutting him off and drawing away from the touch, walking back into the room. That stings a little bit. 

Caduceus is already curled up under the covers when Fjord walks inside a minute later, facing the centre of the bed with his back to the door. His ears are still flat, and he’s in a ball that’s surprisingly small for someone his size. 

“Deucey-” Fjord starts again, unbuckling his belt, which sounds very loud in the silence of the room. As does the sound of the fabric of his pants rustling as they fall to the floor. Caduceus’ ears twitch but he doesn’t move. 

Carefully Fjord climbs onto the bed, pulling the covers up so that he can get beneath them with the firbolg. He lifts a hand and touches Caduceus’ cheek, rubbing his thumb gently over the fur. Gods, it really was a lot now that he thinks about it. And Caduceus went through so much, not least of all mind control and being thrown to a different plane of existence. He’d also saved their asses with greater restoration and with his vision - he was amazing. He didn’t deserve to be cowering here now. 

“Hey, Deucey. It was tough. I know it was. I’m sorry-” Caduceus’ eyes blink open, his pupils wide in the darkness, and it makes Fjord think of the way he looked after they’d kissed. “We’re safe now though.”

He expects Caduceus to ask him how long that’s going to be the case, because they move from one awful thing to another with barely a moment to breathe. But Caduceus is quiet, gazing at Fjord across the small expanse of bed. Fjord remembers when his memory had been wavering under Vokodo’s spell, when he’d woken up and looked around and things were slipping for him. He recalls when the greater restoration had been cast and the first thing that flooded back to him was the warmth - the enormity - of his feelings for this man, one large wave breaking and cresting and stealing his breath as remembered how much Caduceus meant to him. Means to him.

“I’m not as good with words as you are. I don’t know how to make this feel better. I know I’m not the answer to any of your prayers-”

“Kiss me,” Caduceus says. 

Fjord blinks. “Huh?”

He realises that his surprise might easily be interpreted as a big no just as Caduceus begins to draw back, away from Fjord’s touch. He can’t let that happen, and his hand slides to the back of Caduceus’ neck to hold him still. 

“You’re gonna have to come closer if you want kisses,” Fjord teases gently, even though his heart is hammering hard in his chest and tiny prickles of nervousness are creeping through him. He applies a little bit more pressure to draw the other man back to him, and it takes a moment, but then Caduceus is covering the space between them again, moving near enough to bump their noses together. 

“Distract me-” Caduceus breathes, and their lips meet. It’s passionate in a way that steals Fjord’s breath and pulls a moan from him. His fingers slide up into Caduceus’ hair and he feels a hand on his hip, tentative and perhaps anxious at the lack of layers between their skin, but it’s there, and Fjord welcomes it. 

He can distract Caduceus all night long, no interruptions. He wants Caduceus to feel anything other than sad and Fjord knows that he can make Caduceus feel all kinds of good. 

Fjord traces his tongue across the crease between Caduceus’ lips and they part for him, the kiss deepening easily. The hand on Fjord’s hip moves up his back, and for a brief moment Fjord breaks the kiss and the other points of contact to pull off the stupid shirt he got into bed wearing, throwing it behind him. Caduceus hums happily in agreement with this and lets Fjord remove his shirt up too, discarding it with the same indifference. 

They press closer, hands back in place and roaming hungrily over each other’s bodies. Fjord relishes the feeling of the fur beneath his fingers, how soft all of Caduceus is and how it makes him  _ want. _ Caduceus’ touch maps the muscles of Fjord’s back, dipping in and out of them with some kind of reverence that Fjord is undeserving of but basks in nonetheless. 

Moving his touch down Fjord finds the waistband of the well-worn pants Caduceus has chosen to sleep in, and after a second he presses his fingers beneath them, grasping the warm swell of Caduceus’ ass. The cleric gasps and then groans, canting his hips forward. His half hard cock brushes against Fjord’s thigh and it’s like lightning running through him, knowing he did that. He made Caduceus feel  _ that _ good. 

“Off,” he growls, his other hand shifting between them to try and help ease down Caduceus’ pants. “You shouldn’t wear so much to bed.”

“I think you’d have protested before this if I’d worn less,” Caduceus replies, though he lifts his hips to rid himself of the offending garment. 

“Well, before this I didn’t know you were such a great kisser,” Fjord purrs, wriggling an arm beneath Caduceus so that both hands can grab his ass, pulling his hips forward so that they fit against Fjord’s, so that their cocks press together and even through the one layer remaining Caduceus can tell that the feelings are reciprocated. 

They both sigh into the kiss at the closeness and Caduceus thrusts his hips once, gently, biting back a moan at the friction. 

“I didn’t know- there were- uh-” Caduceus tries to get the words out, but Fjord silences him with another slow kiss. And, out of politeness, Fjord pushes his own pants off, kicking them out of the bed before tangling his legs with Caduceus’. Between them their cocks rub against each other, both of them rocking their hips for a little but neither in any rush to reach the conclusion. 

“Was I the first person you kissed?” Fjord asks, pressing his lips to the corner of Caduceus’ mouth and nose, his hands moving up the other man’s back, trailing lightly either side of the line of his spine. 

“No,” Caduceus says quietly, making something uncomfortable and jealous curl up in Fjord’s chest. “But I didn’t enjoy it before. And you’re the first person I’ve- this- this is all new,” he adds, giving a more pointed rock of his hips. 

Fjord is mollified by that, his lips meeting Caduceus’ again for a deeper kiss, stroking his fingers through his hair gently. He doesn’t think he deserves something as wondrous as to be Caduceus’ first anything, but Fjord has never denied that he’s a selfish man, and if Caduceus is willing to give then he’s happy to take. 

“Please touch me again,” Caduceus murmurs, taking Fjord’s hand by the wrist and guiding it back around himself, letting it fall down low near the small of his back.

Fjord can take the hint, smoothing his palm down to once again cup the soft swell of Caduceus’ ass as they kiss. He feels the sigh, gentle and wanting, and it feels like a thousand years since Fjord pulled such soft sounds from a bed partner. It’s exhilarating, and he wants more. 

Fjord is selfish  _ and _ greedy. It’s a flaw, what can he say? At least he owns up to it.

Caduceus’ hand isn’t still either, sliding up and down Fjord’s ribs, then drifting in between them to stroke across his stomach. Fjord shivers, then breaks the kiss to gasp when the wandering hand moves lower still, fingers brushing over the tip of Fjord’s cock. 

“That what you want?” Fjord rasps, giving Caduceus’ ass a rough grope before moving his hand around to find the cleric’s hard length, wrapping around it and stroking up once. Caduceus moans shakily, fingers sliding around Fjord and giving him a squeeze in turn. 

He goes slow, setting the pace for them both, though not too fast still, wanting to drag this out for as long as he can if only for his own selfish desires. It takes a minute or so for Caduceus to find the same rhythm, his hips rocking or bucking erratically into Fjord’s hand, whimpering between their lips as his own grip tries to fall in step. Fjord coos, praises him as he starts to settle down, then undoes it all by sweeping his thumb over Caduceus’ head, smearing around the precome gathering there. It makes Fjord rumble in his chest, pleased with how turned on Caduceus is for him.  _ Because of him _ , he reminds himself again. Fjord is smug. His thumb rubs slowly up and down the underside of Caduceus’ cock, rumbling again as it catches on the ridges he wasn’t aware of before and is pleasantly surprised to find. There’s a lot of things he could do with those, a lot of pleasure both of them could get- he wonders what Caduceus does with them. If they give him any additional pleasure or if he’s just writhing under Fjord’s touch now because it’s new and not his own hand. 

“Hey, Deucey,” Fjord moans his name, leaning in to find the other man’s lips again, pleased with the excited response he gets, the way Caduceus presses closer and their tongues meet hungrily. 

Caduceus’ hand is twisting slightly as it slides over Fjord’s cock, moving with a more confident motion than before and bringing to Fjord’s mind the image of him alone whenever he gets the chance, touching himself, working out how good this feels. That thought coupled with the action sends a shiver through Fjord, and he nips at Caduceus’ lower lip before moving in for another deep kiss. The path of his hand on Caduceus’ cock is eased by the precome he’s leaking, and he can tell from the glide of Caduceus’ hand that it’s getting just as easy for him. 

“Fjord, I’m close,” Caduceus pants, though he doesn’t move far back from the kiss, doesn’t want to move his lips away too much, the words grazing Fjord’s mouth as he speaks them. 

Heat curls up in Fjord’s belly as he listens to Caduceus’ breath hitching and feels his strokes getting more and more erratic again. Fjord tries his best to keep his own hand steady but that is much easier said than done as he gets closer and closer to the edge himself. He doesn’t want it to end, he doesn’t want this to be over because it’s too long until the next time they might be able to find themselves alone. It’s always going to be too long until next time.

Fjord’s hand, the one sandwiched between the bed and their bodies and currently unoccupied, slides up, fingers wriggling beneath Caduceus’ cheek to cup it, to get as much contact as he possibly can for as long as he possibly can. Caduceus is panting against his lips, whimpering, and it’s so sweet, shivers running through him, his body inching closer as though he feels the same, as though he needs to be near to Fjord. 

There’s no way to draw it out much longer, but Fjord’s hand stops stroking and just grips, his thumb rubbing at the soft dip beneath the head of Caduceus’ cock, feeling the precome running over it. The change of touch was a great idea, though, because his firbolg is moaning helplessly, his own hand moving stutteringly up and down Fjord’s length in a way that is dizzying. 

“Come, baby. I got you,” Fjord rumbles, pressing their lips together as Caduceus quakes, crying out and coming over Fjord’s fingers. It’s the hottest fucking thing, only trumped by the fact that he’s the first person to get to do this, to see Caduceus come undone in his hand.

He tries to hold off, to enjoy the look on Caduceus’ face for as long as he can, to watch the impossibly long eyelashes flutter and the lips he’s now very familiar with parted in a moan. But Fjord is only so strong, and it only takes a few more moments of Caduceus’ shaking, arrhythmic grasp before he follows, not quietly either, moaning Caduceus’ name as he shoots over their stomachs.

Leaning in, Fjord rests their foreheads together, their breathing heavy between them. Caduceus’ fingers are still loosely wrapped around his cock, and Fjord’s rest against the curve of the firbolg’s hip. He allows them a few rapid heartbeats of time before he touches their lips together again, a slow, gentle kiss that is reciprocated as Caduceus moves as close as he can once more. Despite the mess between them he’s pressing up on Fjord, tangling their legs together, his fingers finally leaving Fjord to slide around his back, making more room for their bodies to touch. 

“That was amazing,” Caduceus whispers. Fjord can feel him trembling slightly, still enjoying the aftershocks of his orgasm which only makes Fjord all the more smug with the knowledge that he’s the first, the first person to make Caduceus feel like this. 

“It really was,” Fjord says softly, nuzzling gently, not tired of bestowing affection upon this man, wanting him to know it was something special. That it was above and beyond any of the other sexual encounters that Fjord could recall from his past. “Really amazing.”

Their lips meet again, and Fjord could get on board with this happening all the time, he could happily fall asleep every night kissing Caduceus, their limbs tangled together, warmed by skin on skin and their hearts beating in tandem. They need to clean up before they fall asleep, but there’s no rush right now, not when there can be more kissing and touching- when he could be enjoying the way Caduceus’ hands are exploring his body, moving up and down his spine and then to his backside, tracing the soft curves of Fjord’s form. 

“Your workouts are really doing something for you,” Caduceus whispers, a smile on his face as he gropes one side of Fjord’s ass. “I like all these muscles.”

“Oh?” Fjord grins, drawing the other man’s lower lip between his teeth and tugging it gently. “All the better for pinning you down.”

Caduceus chuckles. “Mm, such promises,” he replies, stroking along his spine once more. 

That’s going to give Fjord a lot of wonderful things to think about when he’s alone, or just something to keep him going until the next time they share a bed, the next time they get to touch.

They settle into kissing again, little bumps of their nose and brushes of their lips, and Fjord feels warmth curling up inside him, fond and affectionate. 

“You feeling better, Deucey?” he asks quietly, his hand resting gently against Caduceus’ neck, stroking the warm, slightly furred skin. 

Caduceus’ eyes open slowly, his pupils still large in the dim light of their shared space. “It’s been a lot,” he replies. “But we’re going to be okay, aren’t we? All of us. We’re doing well.”

“We are doing well,” Fjord assures him, kissing his nose. “And nothing we’re going to do is going to match up to killing a demi-god from a different plane of existence. Not for a while,” he adds with a smile. “You’re doing well,” he adds, wanting to reassure the other man, in case he has any thoughts of leaving. 

“Thank you.” Caduceus’ voice is thick and heavy with satisfaction and no doubt exhaustion. Fjord kisses his nose once more and then extracts himself from the bed with a noise of complaint from his cleric to go and wet a cloth to help clean them both up. Caduceus makes some more noises as Fjord wipes his belly and his fingers, protesting the cold water on his sex-and-bed-warmed body. 

His own clean up is quick (the cloth dumped unceremoniously on the side by the bowl of water) so that he can get back to bed, pulling the covers up over them and then wrapping his arm around Caduceus, holding him close. They wriggle around each other until they’re in a more comfortable position, Fjord on his back with Caduceus draped across his chest, his head resting in the nook between Fjord’s head and shoulder. 

It’s intimate and more than Fjord would have ever done with any previous lovers. Way more than Fjord would have ever imagined for himself. Caduceus’ hair tickles his jaw, his weight is comforting more than constricting, the soft, gentle thump of another heart against his ribs a welcome reminder of the man laying upon him. 

“I’m going to take care of you, Caduceus,” he says softly. “I know it’s not much to offer, and it’s not like I can prevent anything bad ever happening to you again, but I’m going to take care of you, be there when you need it, help you get through things. If I have it in my power to stop bad stuff getting to you then I’ll do it.”

Caduceus sighs against his chest, breath warm over his skin. “It’s a wonderful offer, Fjord. I don’t know how deserving I am of that, but I also know you would do the same for any of the others.”

There’s nothing bitter or sad in his tone, more a contentedness at believing that to be the truth. And certainly Fjord would do a lot for all of the Nein, but he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to put into words the reasons it’s different for Caduceus. It just is. It has been for a while. Something pushing its way from the back of his mind to the forefront and colouring everything differently for its presence. 

There’s no point in saying that, though. No point in putting out into the world something that Fjord doesn’t have a proper grip on himself. A waste of this peace, of this time together. 

He closes his eyes and falls asleep to the distant sound of waves and the warmth of Caduceus beside him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting another fic today too, because that's my MO. I sneak other fics in when no one is looking. It's called Love. That's all. 
> 
> I'm on discord - Tulli#0322 and Tumblr - hey-tulli 
> 
> Take care of yourselves and be kind to each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's snow on the ground.
> 
> But a bed is a nice refuge. 
> 
> Alternative title: Blowjobs and Feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've noted before, I wrote this whilst the show was still in Rumblecusp, so this isn't really the snowy north described in game. I was just making this up as I went. 
> 
> Enjoy! Happy holidays!

The cycle repeats, but it’s more difficult this time. Caduceus is more drawn in on himself, and though the rest of the Nein are chalking it up to Rumblecusp, Fjord is pretty sure it’s because he just let Fjord- because Fjord was his  _ first.  _ And what a goddamn honour it was for him, but Caduceus might not feel the same way. The memory of it burns into Fjord’s brain, behind his closed eyelids, sets fire to his blood as he tries to sleep, but it was just passion and fear and need, and that’s fine for him, but it’s not something Caduceus has ever exhibited a desire for. 

At the same time, though, there are looks. Fjord has been looking for a while now, as though watching Caduceus might somehow allow him to emulate the way the cleric lives his life. The way Caduceus holds himself, soft and approachable but also so strong. And of course that watching turned into something else, moments when he allowed himself to admire more, to follow the shape of Caduceus’ body, the curve of his cheekbones, the swell of his lips, which had become much more of a focus after they’d kissed, and his delicate looking hands which make Fjord shiver at the thought of their last night together.

When Fjord looks now, sometimes Caduceus looks back. Sometimes they look for a few long moments, eyes locked over the heads of the occupied party. If Fjord were more perceptive he’d be able to read what the expression on Caduceus’ face says. But he knows Caduceus can read almost anything, so he puts all of his want into a return gaze, all of his ‘I want you for more than that one night’ and ‘I can’t stop thinking of you’ into it in the hopes that, despite his inexperience with such matters, Caduceus will understand. 

Those moments give Fjord a boost, they fill him with something like reckless courage, he feels like he could do anything, anything to impress Caduceus, to prove that he’s good for something, even if it’s not honourable or salvation or nourishment, even if it’s not something worthy it’s still something. He’ll punch a dragon in the face if it would impress Caduceus. 

Those moments make his heart ache but they also add fuel to the warm fire of his feelings. The kind of feelings that make all of his past infatuations seem dull. 

Caduceus is brightness. 

  
  


It’s freezing cold when they finally make it to the small town in the mountains. The heating rod has been passed around between them for the last mile or so, and Caleb has cast little fireballs that follow them, but there’s a very fine line between being gently warmed and gently burnt, so the bright lights of civilisation- brighter in the cold, darkening air- are so welcoming. 

Not many people come through this way, so the one inn only has four rooms, one of which is currently occupied. It does, however, have two washrooms with hot water. They divide up as usual, Veth and Caleb, girls, boys.

Fjord walks into their room. It’s beautiful, with a big bed and a large window that shows the snowy mountains. It’d be a perfect place for a romantic trip, he thinks, looking down at the bed, inviting in the low lamp light. 

He plucks at his armour whilst Caduceus turns on the wall mounted fire, smiling fondly at the simple yet effective magic, just as impressed as he is with Caleb’s far more impressive spells. Fjord watches him, enjoying the happiness in Caduceus’ face, wishing he could be that wondrous to him. 

It’s the first time he’s seen Caduceus smile in a while, actually. It’s been a rough few- gods, it’s been rough for a long time. 

Pulling off his boots, Fjord realises that the heat really doesn’t reach the floor, but he supposes most people just pass through and sleep, and the fire is at the right height to keep the bed at a comfortable temperature. 

“I’m going for a shower,” he says, leaving on his undershirt and underpants and grabbing a towel. 

“Sure,” Caduceus says distantly, his ears turning towards Fjord even as he moves towards the window. 

He’s still there when Fjord returns from the bathroom, bringing a cloud of steam with him. Caduceus’ armour is stacked against the wall, though, and he’s clad in just his loose cotton shirt and pants, vulnerable to everything. 

Fjord has the towel around his waist, water still clinging to his skin as he looks for his nice sleeping clothes, relegated to the bottom of his pack from all their nights out camping when they sleep in what they walk in. “I’m back if you want to go,” he says when Caduceus doesn’t move, aiming the words at his head. 

“Yeah, I will,” Caduceus nods, same short answers he’s been giving to all of them recently. He turns back from the window and pulls off his cotton shirt before he passes Fjord, and he might as well have just punched Fjord in the chest. His beauty knocks the wind from him. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Even though the floor is cold, Fjord makes his way to the window to take up the place Caduceus has vacated. He stares out over the white landscape, bereft of trees and shrubs and anything alive. Nothing can live here. Apart from people who export and import and magic their way to survival. 

It’s frightening to think how easy everything here could be wiped out, how all of the cultivated life could just end. He spends a long time just looking, searching for anything that could indicate that there is more when the snow stops, if it thaws there’s more out there. It’s not just vast and empty. There must be something. 

“Do you feel Her here?”

Caduceus’ voice sends a shiver through him, and for a moment Fjord closes his eyes and just enjoys it before he turns. 

Caduceus is really fucking gorgeous. He’s standing just in front of the closed door, towel around his waist as Fjord had had, but lower, his hipbones visible and begging to be touched. His hair is a mess, his fur shines with the water, and in the soft light of the room he glows. 

Once again Fjord is breathless, staring at him. Caduceus smiles, his expression bashful. “Do you feel Her, Fjord?”

Fjord thinks for a few moments, tries to move his mind away from Caduceus to focus, to try and feel the power that thrums in the background of everything everywhere he goes. His brow furrows, and Fjord’s hand reaches out to the side slightly, as though he might be able to physically grasp Her. 

He draws in a sharp breath when soft fingers touch his own. 

“You’re thinking too hard about it,” Caduceus whispers, amusement in his voice. “Just relax.”

“That’s not so easy,” Fjord laughs softly, opening his eyes to see Caduceus stood before him, still shirtless, still in just his towel. He tries to think of anything other than how Caduceus’ lips taste and how those beautiful, half-lidded eyes look when he comes. 

“There’s no life out there. And we’re miles from the sea.”

“Hm,” Caduceus huffs gently, sliding their fingers together, his other hand resting on Fjord’s hip. “There’s life everywhere, Fjord. It’s just dormant, sleeping. And one day it will awaken again. One day its time will come. You just have to listen a little harder.”

“Okay,” Fjord rasps, unable to keep his eyes from dropping to Caduceus’ lips. “I’m listening.”

Truthfully, all he can hear is his own heartbeat. He breathes in deeply, and when he meets Caduceus’ gaze again, Caduceus’ eyes are dark. 

There’s a loud thump at the door which makes both of them jump back from each other. 

“Goodnight, Caduceus!” Jester’s voice rings through the wood. “Goodnight, Fjord!”

“Goodnight.”

“Night, Jester.”

Caduceus steps back, clears his throat, and looks at the floor, turning away to open the cupboard, pulling out a blanket and a spare pillow. 

Oh, he’s still in his towel, and reaching up seems to make it slip lower, and Fjord is so fixated on that he doesn’t really bother to take in what Caduceus is doing until-

“You’re not thinking of sleeping on the floor, are you?”

Caduceus looks up, a lock of hair drifting over his forehead, pushed away by a gentle puff of breath. 

Once again Fjord’s mind blanks on him. Caduceus always seems so delicate, but looking at him now he’s so damn masculine, and that’s really doing it for Fjord. There’s muscle, there’s a thickening in his arms and definition in his broadening chest, an increasing fullness around his middle. And there’s heat in his look, but he’s also aware that he might be scaring Caduceus away with his intensity. 

“Can’t you feel how cold the floor is?” He’s gotten used to it but there’s a stark difference around his lower body on level with the bed and his feet on the floor.

“I’ll wrap up.”

“You’ll get pneumonia,” Fjord replies. “The bed is huge.” And it is, it’s certainly a lot more room than they usually have. 

Caduceus looks at the bed, then sweeps his fingers through his hair and goddamn. Fjord lets out a breath and distracts himself by climbing onto the bed on the side closer to the door as he always does, pulling his pack nearer on the floor for easy access. Maybe his looking away is all that’s needed to encourage Caduceus to sleep somewhere actually safe and warm, because he sighs, then clears his throat again, moving around the bed to where his own pack is. 

Fjord is an awful man, and he just fucking stares. Caduceus has his back to Fjord, and he unwinds the towel from around his waist, lifting it to dry off the rest of his body, leaving Fjord with an amazing view of his backside. Caduceus is still slim, but he’s built up some muscle all over, and he has a really nice ass. 

Fjord hasn’t had enough alone time to imagine all of the things he wants to do to it, but he can feel heat already beginning to pool in his stomach, an ache beginning in his cock. 

Caduceus finishes drying himself and drops the towel on the floor. It feels like an offering, all that skin that Fjord has barely touched. 

And then Caduceus bends over. It’s just to pick up his sleeping clothes, but Fjord’s cock jumps to attention, and he knows Caduceus knows what he’s doing to him. 

Caduceus pulls on some thin cotton pants, hangs his towel on a hook near the heat of the fire before climbing into the bed beneath the sheets with Fjord. 

Fjord turns his head to find Caduceus on his side facing him, eyes half lidded again. A wave of Caduceus’ hand turns down the lantern that lights the room. 

“You’re very good with your hands,” Fjord whispers, kind of hoping to remind him of their last time- The light from the window is right above Caduceus and catches on the soft, clean hairs covering his body, once again giving him the appearance of glowing. 

It fills Fjord with longing, and ache in his body more than just carnal. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispers, because Caduceus needs to hear it, he needs to know how amazing he is, even if that only emphasises how unworthy Fjord is. Caduceus smiles, his hand emerging from beneath the covers and touches Fjord’s face, fingertips light on his jaw. 

“You’re-” Caduceus is wonderful with words, and that he can’t find any for Fjord is beyond flattering. 

He rolls onto his side to face his cleric, hand seeking some part of Caduceus beneath the covers, resting on his ribs. 

“Tell me,” he prompts, tickling his fingers over warm skin. 

“You overwhelm me with how amazing you are,” Caduceus laughs, and undeserving as Fjord is, he basks in it. 

Caduceus touches his fingertips to Fjord’s lips, which part for him, Fjord’s tongue running over the tips. Caduceus shivers, but doesn’t pull away, so Fjord parts his lips further and draws his index and middle finger in, sucking them softly. 

Caduceus’ eyes widen, and Ford shifts closer, reluctantly letting his touch leave Caduceus’ ribs in order to take his wrist, gently angling his hand so that Fjord can draw those fingers deeper. His gaze is locked on Caduceus’ face, watching his eyes grow a little hazy and his lips parting to allow small, rough breaths to escape. 

Drawing back, Fjord’s lips make a wet sound as they leave Caduceus’ fingers. “You like that, Deucey?” he asks, voice low.

Caduceus nods mutely, inching closer. 

Fjord grins, nipping at his fingertips. “You know where that would feel even better?”

Caduceus’ eyes drop to Fjord’s lips as he licks his own. “On my cock-”

And although Fjord is thinking it, hearing the words in that deep, rumbling voice sends a rush of arousal through him. 

“Mhm, you’re right,” he nods. And now that it’s in the open between them it’s all Fjord wants. 

He lets go of Caduceus’ wrist, replacing his hand on Caduceus’ ribs, Fjord moves himself closer. In a smaller bed this wouldn’t take as much effort as it does now, but it only takes a few moments of them both wriggling before they’re close enough to kiss. There’s no hesitation or preamble this time. Caduceus is leaning in, his fingers cupping Fjord’s face, pulling him for their lips to touch. Fjord sighs softly as though he’s relieved, as though he’s been waiting for this for too long. It’s been niggling in the back of his head always, but he’s managed to be chill about it, to not have a constant longing look just begging Caduceus to come over here and kiss him, please-

With another shuffle from both of them their lower bodies meet, and Caduceus slides a leg in between Fjord’s, curling his ankle around his calf to try and either coax Fjord even closer or ensure that he doesn’t move away. 

Fjord’s tongue presses against Caduceus’ lips, which part easily for him. Fjord hums and Caduceus shivers all the way down, making his hips cant forwards. Fjord is already hard, but his cock is super happy with this new proximity and aches for more friction, twitching between them. 

Caduceus fucking  _ purrs _ when he feels that, and Fjord has never felt sexier in his whole life. Except maybe last time when he was stroking Caduceus slowly, teasing him to orgasm, listening to his name in a litany on this amazing man’s lips. 

Fjord can feel Caduceus’ other hand moving, wriggling beneath the shirt he stupidly decided to wear to bed, but Fjord has never said any of his ideas are great, here’s proof. 

He pulls back because Caduceus, on the other hand, is always full of good ideas. Fjord kneels up and strips off his shirt, and without thinking anymore his hands move to the waistband of his pants. He stops, though, remembering Caduceus is still new to all of this and he doesn’t want to rush him. He doesn’t want to assume- 

Caduceus lays beneath him, the covers pulled back from his body by Fjord’s movement, and he’s looking up and down so slowly and with such a heavy gaze it’s almost a caress. His eyes make it up to Fjord’s and a smile twitches on his lips. 

“Are you going to take those off?” Caduceus asks, his voice that rough, warm tone that makes Fjord hungry for him. 

“Do you want me to?” Fjord returns, trying his best to sound serious, to make sure that Caduceus knows that he’s going to take his wants into consideration. 

Caduceus looks him up and down again, resting pointedly at where Fjord’s cock is tenting his underwear. He doesn’t say anything, just lifts his hips and slides his own pants down, kicking them off of his long legs and stretching out on the bed. 

Fjord’s brain shorts out for a moment as he drinks him in. He has more time now, more than last time, and can admire. All of Caduceus’ body is covered in the soft grey fuzz, aside from the places where there are scars too deep, not healed fast enough, which leave white, furless patches. Between his pecs there is a dusting of thicker lilac fur which peters out near his belly and then picks up again beneath his navel, leading down between his legs. Fjord is already intimately familiar with the size of Caduceus’ cock, but it’s great to be able to look at it, heavy and hardening against one of his thighs. 

Fjord could spend all night looking. He could spend days just pressing Caduceus into the bed and making him come undone over and over, learning every inch of his body-

“You’re not going to take them off?” Caduceus whispers, raising his eyebrows and moving one hand down to touch himself, lightly stroking his fingers along the length of his cock. 

“Where did you learn to do that?” Fjord rasps, because Caduceus has gone from naive and charming to teasing and seductive in the space of two weeks, which is way too long to have not done this, he thinks. 

“To touch myself?” Caduceus asks playfully. “I mostly made it up as I went-”

Fjord rolls his eyes, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear and pushing them down, biting his lip at the little thrill of pleasure as the fabric rubs against his swollen cock. 

Caduceus’ eyes are fixed between his legs the whole time Fjord strips, twitching to a hardness to match. 

It would be nice to repeat their last time again, kissing Caduceus as they touch each other, but there’s so much heat between them right now and Fjord wants- he just really wants. 

Now that he’s shed his clothing and discarded it his hands are free, and he runs them up Caduceus’ thighs, against the growth of his fur which is so soft regardless. Caduceus keeps his gaze locked on Fjord as he spreads his legs, silently offering everything. 

There are a thousand things Fjord could say, but at the same time he’s thrilled by their lack of need to speak, that they are so in tune with each other. 

His roaming hands move across Caduceus’ belly, up his ribs, making him shuffle forward between the cleric’s still parted legs to reach higher, to brush over his nipples, smirking when Caduceus’ hips buck up, his eyelids fluttering closed for just a moment, a pleased rumble in his chest, pliant and warm for whatever Fjord wants. 

Fjord moves his hands back down, enjoying the softness of the fur this time, the warmth of the skin beneath it. He reaches Caduceus’ cock, the tip already wet as he looks, then flicks his eyes back up to look at Caduceus, who is entranced by everything, his pupils blown wide. 

Fingers move over to rest on the sharp curve of each hipbone and Fjord lowers his head, licking a stripe up the underside of the full, heavy cock in front of him. It’s been a little while, but Fjord is still familiar with the technique, still remembers the hows and wheres, and in all honesty he’s way more enthusiastic this time. This time it’s not a quick means of getting off. He’s going to undo Caduceus, he’s going to make sure his firbolg’s dreams are full and dirty. 

Parting his lips, Fjord slides them down over the tip and sucks softly, basking in the ragged intake of breath and the soft cry that follows it. He keeps his eyes raised to watch Caduceus, even as his head tips back on the pillows, fingers twisted in the bedsheets either side of him. 

He stays where he is for the moment, tongue teasing into the slit and tasting the heady precome, and then Fjord begins to sink down, lower and lower until the head of Caduceus’ cock bumps the back of his throat. Fjord’s lips are stretched around the thick shaft, and there’s still a fair bit left over, but it’s going to take a little more practise to swallow everything down. Still, Caduceus’ isn’t complaining, whimpering above Fjord, thighs already trembling. 

Fjord forgets that these are all first times. And the soft heat of someone’s mouth is overwhelming even when you’re a pro. Not that Fjord would say it, but he’s had his fair share. Even so, the flash of an image of his own cock sliding between Caduceus’ lips, the cascade of pink hair, the beautiful eyes looking at him makes Fjord throb. He bobs his head slowly up and down, thumbs brushing soft circles on Caduceus’ hips which twitch periodically as though he wants to thrust. And that’s not good enough. Fjord wants him losing control, wants to take advantage of their time alone, the brick walls, the large bed, no need to hold back. 

He pulls off with a wet sound, followed by a whine from Caduceus, whose eyes open, looking pleadingly up at Fjord. 

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life,” Caduceus replies without missing a beat.

“I’ll be two seconds,” Fjord says, already moving. “Don’t go anywhere.”

That earns him a chuckle, a deep rumble of happiness that he doesn’t realise he’s missed so much until it’s there. Caduceus should always be happy. 

In his bag Fjord has lube. Not a lot because their travels don’t allow for much private time, but a small vial which he brings back to the bed, resuming his place between Caduceus’ long legs. 

“I want you loud for me,” he breathes, lowering his lips to kiss the inside of one thigh, then back to the cock he so rudely abandoned. “If it’s not good tell me. This is all for you.” 

Fjord slides his mouth around it again, sinking down once more, taking another inch now that his throat has warmed up a bit. The underside of Caduceus’ cock is ridged, and Fjord can taste them on his tongue, they feel thicker than they did when they were in his hands, and he presses against each of them, making Caduceus’ breath draw in raggedly. His fingers fiddle with the lube and he gets two slick, managing to control his rhythm in a way that other people would be impressed with. But Caduceus isn’t other people, and Fjord doesn’t want to share him. His unlubed hand moves to hold the base of Caduceus’ cock, thumb rubbing on the underside whilst his index finger moves between the cleric’s legs and finds his entrance. The first brush against it has Caduceus tensing, clenching up, but Fjord persists, stroking a circle slowly around and around until he feels Caduceus relax again, slowly slowly, shuddering breaths following before Fjord can gently press the tip in. The taste in his mouth increases, and Fjord draws back again, making sure he doesn’t over stimulate the man beneath him, holding just his head between his lips. 

His index finger works it’s way in, the muscle trembling around it until Fjord can’t get any deeper. He’s breathing heavily, both of them are, and Fjord just has to remind himself to go slow. 

Fjord pulls off, lips still brushing over the tip as he speaks. “You’re doing great, Deucey- you’re so tight-”

“Yeah- yeah-” Caduceus purrs back, squirming slightly now that Fjord isn’t so close, allowing him some movement. “Fjord-”

“I know, darling. I got you-” his finger starts to move in and out, stroking around the warmth inside Caduceus’. “Let me take care of you.”

“Yes-” is all he gets as a reply, Caduceus’ head thrown back in pleasure. Precome is dribbling over Caduceus’ belly and Fjord can’t help but lean in and lick it up again. He sinks back down his length as he pushes another finger in, hoping to distract him from any pain he might feel. Again the muscles tense up, all of Caduceus tenses up, but once more he slowly relaxes, especially when Fjord begins to move them in and out as before, curling them slightly. That makes Caduceus shiver, and Fjord knows he can make him feel even better. He starts a slow rhythm of moving up and down Caduceus’ cock and thrusting in and out of him. Once soft noises are now filthy moans, sounds that Fjord would never have imagined Caduceus was capable of making. And it goes right down between his own legs. 

Carefully, Fjord presses his weight forward, trying to change the angle of Caduceus’ body slightly so that he can get deeper. It works, and Fjord knows because his fingers press in, stroke around, and Caduceus arches up off of the bed, crying out and twisting his fingers in the sheets. There’s a burst of flavour over Fjord’s tongue as Caduceus’ cock throbs hard between his lips. Fjord has never been this turned on in his life. 

He does it again. He presses deep, curls his fingers, rubs against Caduceus’ prostate. Caduceus pants out, once more arches off of the bed, and gasps Fjord’s name. 

By all the gods, that’s the most beautiful sound. 

He tries to press in a third finger, moaning around the cock in his mouth when Caduceus bears down on the digits inside him, trying to take more immediately. His muscles continue to quiver, and he’s so tight Fjord is almost breathless with want. He resumes the rhythm again, up and down, in and out, faster than before, taking a moment every so often to curl his fingers to pull out those sweet sounds. 

Caduceus unwinds the fingers of one hand from the sheets and threads them through Fjord’s hair. It makes Fjord tremble and moan, feeling the vibrations run through Caduceus’ cock. It reaches the point where the muscles around his fingers are starting to grip harder, tensing up, and Fjord knows he’s doing a very good job. He pushes in all the way again, finding Caduceus’ prostate and rubbing it over and over until every exhale above him is a moan, growing louder and louder whilst Fjord’s head continues to bob up and down. 

He’s going to swallow. He wants to taste everything. 

“FjordFjordFjord-” Caduceus’ pants, before another cry is punched out of him and he comes. 

Fjord watches as long as he can as Caduceus writhes beneath him, swallowing, his senses flooded by everything. His cock  _ aches,  _ wanting just a little bit of friction to come. But he works Caduceus through his orgasm, feeling his muscles slowly relaxing until he can draw his fingers out and slides his lips up and off of Caduceus. 

He really is the most beautiful thing Fjord has ever seen. His skin is flushed all the way down his body, chest rising and falling rapidly. Fjord wants to say something, wants to lavish praise on Caduceus, try somehow to put into words just how wonderful he is, but Fjord just feels dazed and can’t trust anything that might leave his lips. Especially when he’s still so hard. No, no, because his feelings don’t change whether he’s hard or not, but Caduceus doesn’t know that. 

Fjord wraps his hand around himself and starts to stroke, seeing stars at the first burst of relief. 

“Fjord?” His head snaps up to look at Caduceus who is propped up on his elbows, watching him. He reaches his hands forward, not quite beckoning, but Fjord pauses his personal ministrations and crawls up the bed, up Caduceus’ body. Caduceus’ eyes are a little hazy, his pupils still wide and dark. He touches Fjord’s face and then his hair, pulling him down for a kiss. Fjord is pretty delighted by that, especially by the way Caduceus’ tongue slides between his lips to taste himself. It makes Fjord moan again, one hand reaching down between them again to resume stroking. 

Caduceus’ hand on his forearm stops him again, and Fjord looks up to meet his gaze.

“I want to- I want to return the favour,” Caduceus whispers, his eyes shining. 

Fjord feels a wave of arousal wash through him, basking in the thought that he gets to be the first person Caduceus has blown. Mutely he nods his head, swallowing heavily. 

To his surprise Caduceus begins to slide down the bed, leaving Ford braced above the pillows and unable to see what’s happening until there are lips against the head of his cock, a gentle tongue pressing into the slit. 

Fjord bites his lip, but it’s not enough to keep him from canting his hips forward slightly. Again he is surprised as Caduceus simply parts his lips and lets Fjord slip into the heat of his mouth. 

“Fuck,” Fjord curses, giving another little experimental thrust of his hips, a rush of pleasure washing over him when Caduceus takes it, his head rubbing against the roof of Caduceus’ mouth. 

A gentle hand comes to rest on his hip, urging Fjord to move again. Really, Caduceus wants his first time sucking cock to just be Fjord fucking his face? That’s fine. They both trust each other, they’re both consenting adults. 

Still, Fjord is gentle, thrusting his hips slowly, allowing Caduceus to take control, allowing him time to explore Fjord’s length with his tongue, running over all of the ridges inherited from his orc side. It feels amazing. Most people aren’t as attentive to them, but they always get great results when he’s fucking someone. 

He wonders if Caduceus will enjoy them when Fjord is fucking him properly. 

Fjord thrusts slowly and Caduceus explores, tasting and teasing. Suddenly, though, the tightness around him increases, Caduceus’ lips gripping, sucking hard, and giving Fjord something far more substantial to fuck into. 

The grip on his hip is firmer and Caduceus rumbles around him, encouraging him to move. More. Harder.

Fjord whines this time, unable to keep any reasonable control over himself. He shivers, rocking his hips slowly but with some force, enough to keep him on edge, but holding back enough to make it last a little while longer rather than coming immediately, as though he were the one having his first blow job.

He’d just fucked Caduceus with his fingers. Oh gods, this is amazing. 

“Fuck, Deucey, you’re really fucking good at this,” he pants. He wishes they were in a different position so that he could watch- he’ll just have to make sure this happens again. Caduceus’ other hand finds it’s way to grip Fjord’s ass with the one on his hip following moments later. He grips both cheeks, kneading the muscles, pulling Fjord into his mouth harder and faster. Fjord’s arms are shaking from the effort of keeping himself upright, and he has no choice but to lower the front of his body onto the bed or risk choking Caduceus with his cock. Which would be hot, but he also wants this to not be a one time thing-

Bending his upper body lifts his ass a little more into the air, and also gives him a better angle to rock forward. Beneath him Caduceus hums, also apparently very happy with the change. His head moves slightly, allowing him to take Fjord deeper and-fuck. Just fuck. Caduceus is filthy and Fjord is going crazy. Now his thighs are shaking, and heat is building up in his belly at an unstoppable speed. There’s a heartbeat when Caduceus’ fingers, still grasping the cheeks of his ass, brush across his entrance and then Fjord feels the pleasure crashing through him, not having time to warn Caduceus before he comes. He can feel Caduceus swallowing and he lets out a sound like a sob, trembling through the rest of his orgasm. 

Gentle hands move him to the side, maneuver him carefully onto the bed, and Fjord sighs, dropping back against the pillows. His hands grope blindly for Caduceus until the other man is back up at head height, drawing him over for a kiss. Caduceus moves as he is bid, curling against Fjord’s side and leaning up to meet his lips. Fjord kisses him deeply, wanting to taste himself the way Caduceus had earlier. He smiles. He can’t help himself. And he feels Caduceus smiling back, huffing out a laugh when they break for air. 

“That was fun,” Caduceus whispers, his voice beautifully wrecked. 

“Yeah? Good. You were pretty talented for a rookie.”

“I have an active imagination.”

Fjord chuckles, kissing Caduceus’ lips, then the tip of his nose. His eyes feel heavy, he’s almost running on empty after their long walk in the cold and now their rather energetic bedroom activities. 

One of Caduceus’ hands lifts up and the light in the room and the fire opposite them dim down completely, and it’s so easy to just relax, to stop everything and let sleep come for him. 

Fjord wakes up once in the middle of the night, stirring gently from his sleep for a few moments. He looks at Caduceus curled up beside him, letting out little snores. His arm is thrown across Fjord’s chest as though it was always meant to be there. He wants to take this time to look more, to drink in this sight because who knows how long it’ll be until they can have time alone again, until they can fall asleep cuddling again- but sleep drags him back under just as he’s admiring the length of Caduceus’ eyelashes. 

When he wakes up properly the light from outside is bright as the dawn sun bounces off of the snow. The bed beside him is empty, but Fjord can hear Jester and Veth in the hallway, loud enough for this unfortunate town to regret their arrival. The gentle rumble of Caduceus’ laugh sounds from somewhere, and Fjord feels it settle warm in his chest. He has to get up, they have important things to do, even though the bed smells of sex and Caduceus. 

Goddamn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a good festive season. Stay in and keep safe. 
> 
> I'm on Tumblr at hey_tulli, where I post pictures of Taliesin and Liam cuddling. Come and say hi. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves, and be kind to each other!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot tubs and hot times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, Critters!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the new chapter. This is the last reasonable chapter before I unintentionally descended into chaos and a whole new plot arrives. As always, I hate everything I've written, but I hope you guys don't. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Everyone immediately disperses when they get back to the Xhorhaus, disappearing to their rooms to dump their things. 

“Caduceus, can you sort out the hot tub?” Jester yells as she runs up the stairs.

“And make some sandwiches!” Veth adds, hot on her heels. 

Fjord pauses, almost at the top of the other stairs that wind up from the hot tub to the first level and continue on their way to Caduceus’ roof garden. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it is the first time since Fjord’s interests began to very much revolve around Caduceus’ wellbeing. 

They really ask a lot of him. And he’s never heard Caduceus complain. 

Fjord turns and heads back down the stairs, finding Caduceus by the hot tub, humming softly as he fills it with water conjured from somewhere. His things are set down by the door, propped against the wall as though he had no time to put them away, as though this needed to be taken care of immediately. 

“You don’t have to do this right away, you know,” Fjord says, leaning against the doorway. 

“Well, if it’s done then everyone can get in when they’re ready,” Caduceus replies cheerily, clearly content with being bossed around. 

“You can sort yourself out first, though,” Fjord replies. “Take your things up, have a cup of tea, something for you.”

“I like looking after people, Fjord,” Caduceus shrugs, looking up at him. “It makes me feel good. Getting the hot tub ready, making sandwiches, they’re no big deal. They’re things I can do easily to take care of everyone.”

“You know you mean more than that though, right?” Fjord drops his own gear at the bottom of the stairs, moving to Caduceus’ side. The hot tub isn’t that full, but one of them has to have priorities.

“Let me help you.”

“It doesn’t make you happy to do this, Fjord-” Caduceus begins to interject. 

“It makes me happy to make you happy,” Fjord says, not thinking about the words before they’re out of his mouth. 

And gods, Caduceus’ eyes actually darken at that. 

“You don’t have to do anything in particular to make me happy,” Caduceus whispers. A wave of one hand brings more water sloshing into the tub, whilst his other hand tips Fjord’s chin. “Just having you here is more than enough.”

“But if I  _ want _ to do something to actively make you happy?” Fjord asks, reaching between them until he can touch Caduceus’ leg. This is as close as they’ve come to discussing this thing that’s been happening between them. 

“Maybe I’ll tell you some things later,” Caduceus replies, voice low, gaze wandering heavily over Fjord’s body. His thumb brushes over Fjord’s jaw, over his facial hair. “Your beard felt really good against my thighs.”

Fjord makes a sound that is akin to a growl and a moan, moving forward, moving in closer. Caduceus inches back, though, bringing more water crashing down beside them. “ _ Later _ , Fjord.”

“Where do you get this patience?” Fjord asks, hungry for more contact, for anything. “I want to rip your clothes off and remind you of how good my beard felt.”

“We have other things to do,” Caduceus replies, firm but with a smile on his face. “Do you want to help me make sandwiches?”

“That doesn’t sound like a euphemism,” Fjord complains, frowning back, his hand moving up Caduceus’ leg. 

“No, it wasn’t,” Caduceus chides playfully. “Maybe go and unpack in your room, then.”

It would be so easy to step forward and pull Caduceus into his arm, kiss him deeply in a feeble attempt to convey just what he’s feeling. He wants to keep Caduceus safe, to protect him, to keep that light in his eyes that shines so brilliantly when he looks at Fjord. 

It’s selfish to want to protect Caduceus because he likes how the firbolg makes  _ him  _ feel. 

He likes how Caduceus makes him feel. 

“Fjord?” Caduceus nudges him. “Go and unpack. I’ll call when everything’s ready.”

“I’ll see you soon,” Fjord replies, taking Caduceus’ hand and kissing the knuckles. The gesture surprises him, and apparently Caduceus as well, but Fjord keeps a straight face, because Caduceus deserves chivalry. After a moment their hands drop, Caduceus’ ears are perked up, his eyes wide, and Fjord just flashes him a smile and heads up the stairs to his room. 

He doesn’t deserve Caduceus, but Fjord can give Caduceus the things  _ he _ does. 

Fjord sets out his armour that needs to be cleaned, his water bottle and various things that need to be refilled before they head out again. He pulls out the few changes of clothes he has and throws them into a separate pile so that he can take them downstairs for washing. They have to meet with the Bright Queen tomorrow, but Fjord has his nice clothes ready for that. He drops onto his bed then, looking up at the ceiling and letting himself relax. It’s odd to have this sense of comfort and home somewhere so strange, but that is what this is. This is home. And it’s the people here that make it so. 

He doesn’t know how long he lays there, letting himself float somewhere between awake and a half dream where his visions are framed in mint green, like the light that stretches out of Caduceus when he taps into his powers. Somewhere in the distance he hears a muffled shout, followed moments later by Jester cheering and the sound of multiple sets of feet on the stairs. 

Fjord follows, second to last but for Caleb. Veth is sat on the edge of the tub whilst the others sink into the water that is full of bubbles and smells of lemon. He doesn’t know where the bubbles have come from, but Caduceus looks pleased with himself. They also work to cover the surface to allow everyone a little bit of privacy. Not that anyone really cares about that, as exhibited by Yasha who is still standing, naked and unashamed, trying to get used to the heat of the water before she dunks her whole body in. 

Caduceus is only visible from the chest up, his hair loose on the edge of the tub, spilling over the stone like a pink waterfall. Water is caught in the fur on his chest and Fjord needs to look elsewhere, especially as he undresses, leaving his clothes in a pile and climbing into the water between Beau and Caduceus. 

The water is hot and it eases all the leftover aches in his limbs. Beau gives him a nod, her elbows propped up on the rim of the tub. Caduceus has his eyes closed, but beneath the water Fjord feels their legs bump gently. 

Yasha is settled in the water by the time Caleb arrives, sitting uncomfortably between her and Veth on the side. 

Sandwiches get passed around, everyone grabbing several at a time despite the risk of them getting covered in bubbles or water. And they’re great sandwiches. Of course they are, Caduceus made them. 

“I can’t believe you managed to make food, too,” Fjord says, impressed as he shoves something kind of spicy and mossy into his mouth. 

“I’m very efficient, what can I say?” Caduceus chuckles, cracking and eye open to look at Fjord. 

“You’re going to make an excellent house husband one day,” Fjord adds softly with a grin. 

“Oh my gosh, you would!” Jester joins in from her spot opposite them. “When we have everything sorted out we have to start finding Caduceus a wife!”

Caduceus lifts his head to look at her. “That might not be entirely appropriate,” he says gently. The smoothest coming out that Fjord has ever witnessed, because the meaning is at once clear and Jester immediately rectifies her statement. 

“We’ll have to find Caduceus a husband. I bet you’ll get a lot of interest.”

“You are a very appealing package,” Yasha nods, making Caduceus grin and Fjord bristle slightly. 

He doesn’t want to admit that he hasn’t thought about other people finding Caduceus attractive or desirable. But it’s difficult to ignore. Caduceus is very, very easy on the eyes and has a brilliant personality, why wouldn’t other people notice that? Why wouldn’t other people want to take him to bed? Why wouldn’t there be other people out there who would get to see the way Caduceus arches when he comes or hear the rasp in his voice after he’s been moaning to orgasm?

Why should Fjord be the only person to know Caduceus intimately? 

Veth is the first of them to wilt, her head nodding against her chest where she sits on the side of the bath, snoring herself awake periodically. 

On his Beau side the monk is running her fingers through her wet hair, flattening it and smoothing out the tangles. The bubbles have thinned significantly. 

On his Caduceus side, the cleric has sunk a little further down into the water, the tips of his hair getting wet, his eyes still closed. Even though there aren’t many bubbles to hide him, Fjord slides his hand across and strokes his fingers over the side of Caduceus’ thigh. His eyes are focused on the roots above his head, but Fjord still feels Caduceus look at him, feels fingers move to his own under the water, dancing over the back of his hand. 

There’s a warm rush in his stomach, and as much as Fjord knows he shouldn’t get hard in front of everyone else, he also can’t bring himself to move away. 

“I think it’s time to go to bed,” Jester says, stretching her arms above her head, then poking Veth gently. “Hey, Veth. Bed time.”

She stands up. Months ago, a year ago, Fjord would have looked, he would have stared and he would have committed it to memory. He would probably have done a lot to see Jester wet and naked. Not that she’s posing or doing anything to draw eyes, just climbing from the hot tub. Fjord feels Beau shift at his side, but his own gaze is focused on the small pile of bubbles he’s building with one hand, the other occupied by Caduceus, who is very pointedly stroking along Fjord’s knuckles as though he knows how it’s affecting Fjord and making his stomach swoop. 

“Are you coming, Beau?” Jester asks, a towel now wrapped around her. 

Beau makes a sound and then climbs from the hot tub, the wave of her movement sweeping Fjord’s little bubble raft out of his reach. He turns to give her a pointed, dirty look, getting nothing but a grin in return. 

“I suppose that is my cue as well,” Caleb adds, at least having the decency to cover himself as he stands, and having set himself a towel in his immediate reach to wrap around his waist as he climbed out. “Thank you for the food, Caduceus.”

“Oh, you’re welcome,” Caduceus replies, his voice lower and softer than usual. Most people, their friends, would chalk that up to him being tired, too. But Fjord has heard that tone in his voice before, and it was certainly not before getting sleep. 

“Huh, well, I’ll just-” Yasha figures they’re all leaving and stands, no thought for her nudity. Beau hasn’t yet left the room and is certainly looking, and Caleb’s cheeks are practically glowing as he tries to look anywhere else in the room that isn’t full of naked barbarian. 

“You can- I’ll clean the plates and everything. And tidy up in here. You can go to bed,” Fjord says quietly to Caduceus. They’re the only two still in the water, and Caduceus’ fingers have migrated to Fjord’s thigh. He looks up with a dazzling, innocent smile.

“That’s really kind of you, Fjord. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Fjord replies, still quiet, still just between them, wishing the others would hurry up and leave the room. 

Before they do though, Caduceus is standing, not covering himself, leaving miles of soft, wet skin on display for Fjord, and Fjord really wants to touch. It takes a hell of a lot of inner strength to not reach a hand up. 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Caduceus adds, climbing from the tub, retrieving a towel and drying his goddamn hair rather than wrapping it around himself. Fjord sinks a little deeper into the water, which is a little cooler but not enough to stave off his pending arousal. Caduceus is just standing in all his naked glory, dripping, and there’s nothing Fjord can do.

He sets off up the stairs, and Fjord allows himself a minute before he gets out too, finding his towel and then gathering up the sandwich plates, carrying them to the kitchen. There isn’t a lot to clean up, but he makes the effort to get everything in usable order again for Caduceus tomorrow. Then he runs a spare towel over the floor of the hot tub room to mop up the water from everyone’s casual dripping, picking it up and bringing it upstairs to add to his pile of washing. 

Pushing open his door, Fjord is startled for a moment to see Caduceus standing by his bed, catching the end of his movement to stand. He faces Fjord, a flush in his cheeks, the towel now around his waist. Fjord tosses away the fabric in his hands, then closes the door firmly behind him. Caduceus’ flush starts to creep down his chest as his eyes move over Fjord, fixing on the fabric wrapped around him. 

Fjord strips that off, too, throwing it into the corner to join his other things, before stepping forward and pulling at Caduceus’. It doesn’t put up much of a fight, and the moment there is nothing between them their bodies are pressed together, mouths meeting hungrily. Caduceus’ fingers slide up into Fjord’s hair, raking across his scalp in a way that makes Fjord shiver and inch nearer, his cock twitching and rubbing against Caduceus’ thigh. His own hands have already wound around the other man, roaming up and down his back and down to his backside, grabbing two handfuls of his ass. Caduceus gasps into the kiss, lips parted for their tongues to meet, to slide together, drawing moans from both of them. 

Fjord moves closer, nudging Caduceus towards the bed. The firbolg goes, moving to rest against the headboard, his legs parted to accommodate Fjord if he chooses. And Fjord isn’t one to turn down that kind of invitation. He settles between them, their bodies meeting warm and firm, lips pressing against each other again. Caduceus’ hips roll slowly, already desperate for some kind of friction, and Fjord isn’t going to deny him anything. Ever. He rocks his hips in turn, slow and steady so that it isn’t over too soon. Caduceus’ fingers start to run over Fjord’s back, his legs hooking around Fjord’s calves to hold him in place. 

They find a good rhythm, grinding against each other as they kiss deeply, a reverence to every movement that makes Fjord feel so fucking alive. They’re both hard, enjoying the friction from their close proximity. This would be enough, a slow, slow build up, swallowing each other’s moans, hands still desperately tracking each other's bodies, memorising and savouring. 

That really would be great, but Fjord is happy to go with whatever Caduceus wants, whatever delightful thing will make this wonderful man purr for him and come for him. Only him. 

“Fjord?” Caduceus whispers his name but then occupies himself with Fjord’s lips once again, running his tongue over the points of the tusks that are growing back in. It makes Fjord shiver to think that Caduceus isn’t opposed to that. Of course he isn’t. Caduceus is perfect. 

“Mm, Fjord?” he tries again, and this time Fjord lifts his head up so that Caduceus can’t get lost in another kiss. 

“What is it, babe?” Affectionate nicknames now? The word just slips out, and the preening look on Caduceus’ face says that wasn’t a bad choice. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to fuck me.”

Fjord’s brain whites out for a second, but his cock is certainly awake, giving a very interested throb between them. 

“Oh, goddamn, yes-” he manages to rasp out a reply even as Caduceus is leaning up to mouth along his jaw. “Yeah, I’ll-” fuck seems so crass when it comes to Caduceus. Soft, beautiful Caduceus. It’s making love. It’s lovemaking. “Yeah,” he concludes, because he isn’t going to verbalise those things yet. 

It means they have to pull away from each other, but Fjord is willing to sacrifice a few moments of closeness for the chance to be as close as they can possibly be. He tips his head so that they can kiss again, reaching for the drawer in the table beside his bed where there is a little more lube than in his pack. Because this is Fjord’s room, and he has time to indulge here. 

He wouldn’t complain if Caduceus decided to join him a bit more often, though. 

With his prize in hand Fjord kneels up, smiling at the protest from Caduceus at the space now between them. But it does allow them room to look at each other, gazes heavy as they stare, drinking each other in. Fjord licks his lips, remembering when they’d been in this position before, how he’d had a mouth full of Caduceus, how he’d run his tongue over those ridges on his cock-

His fingers scoop out some of the lube from his pot, discarding it to the side and leaning forward again. He leaves some space separating them still so that he can reach between Caduceus’ legs, but at the same time they can kiss as his fingers slowly circle the tight muscle. He shivers at the memory of having them pressed deep inside Caduceus the last time they were in bed together. But right now his mouth is a little preoccupied, swallowing the moan from the firbolg as one finger slides all the way in and the body beneath him arches up. He can feel the muscles clenching, and even around the slim digit it feels really good, so it’s going to be amazing around his cock. 

“Gods, I’m so hungry for you,” Fjord pants, fucking Caduceus with one finger but keeping their lower bodies apart so that he doesn’t get too carried away. 

“I missed the way you taste,” Caduceus replies, pushing down on the finger inside him, trying to get it deeper, though Fjord knows what he wants is just out of reach.

The sentiment throbs through Fjord, pools with heat in his belly.

“You’re going to feel so good,” Fjord murmurs, kissing him deeper to distract him from the adding of another finger, scissoring them to open Caduceus up. Caduceus gasps into the kiss and shivers, and Fjord is totally gone for this man. He’s not allowing himself the time to think about how easily Caduceus is trusting him, giving him his first times like they’re nothing important. Or like Fjord is important.

Caduceus has spread his legs as far as he can, as though Fjord needs encouragement. It’s taking all his willpower not to move them forward too quickly, he wants to savour this and he wants to make Caduceus’ other first time amazing. The latter is really his priority, Fjord can make this up in his head later on, he’s imagined this a good few times, but he wants the reality to be memorable for the other man for all the right reasons. And he’s still a little self indulgent, sinking back into the kiss as he continues the thrusts and the scissoring, growling low and appreciative at the way Caduceus writhes beneath him and the sweet sound that follows when he presses in a third finger. 

The sheets are wound tight in Caduceus’ fists and he’s arching, pushing down on Fjord’s fingers still, undoing any semblance of a rhythm that Fjord might have attempted, but it is painfully sexy to watch him fuck himself on them. One time, another time, he’ll let Caduceus do that, ride his fingers and push into his fist until he comes. 

“Fjord, please-” he hears the words grit out through clenched teeth, still polite despite how long he’s been stringing this along. 

“I know, darling. I’m here,” Fjord says, though that’s unnecessary because their lips are pressing together again and he hasn’t been far this whole time, but the softness of the words seems to soothe Caduceus somewhat. One more kiss and he pulls back reluctantly, even though it’s to slick up his cock in preparation for the next step. He manages to hold back a moan at the sensation of just  _ anything _ against his dick, not wanting Caduceus to think there’s anything better on this earth than the man laying in front of him. Because there isn’t.

“You ready?” Fjord asks, running his hand slowly up and down one of Caduceus’ thighs until he gets the other man’s attention, hazy though it is. Caduceus’ cock is leaking over his belly and he already looks debauched before they’ve even started. Fjord gets a slow nod, a few heavy blinks of the eyes before Caduceus smiles at him. 

“I’ve never been more ready for anything,” is the soft, rumbling reply he gets, and Fjord has another of those huge swooping moments when he’s in freefall, so in love with him it’s almost impossible to fathom.

Fjord takes a steadying breath and lines himself up with a trembling hand, the head of his erection pressing gently against Caduceus, who has by now had enough experience with Fjord opening him up to not tense too much at the feeling, and after a moment of resistance Fjord begins to slide in slowly. Even just having his head pushing into Caduceus makes heat curl up in his belly and makes his thighs shake with the pleasure of it. He pauses, letting himself breathe again, then looks down at the other man, drinking in the sight of him spread out on the bed, sweaty and panting, fingers still twisted in the sheets. 

Gently, Fjord puts his hands on Caduceus’ legs, sliding them down his thighs and holding onto his hips before he presses in another inch, biting back a moan, though Caduceus is loud enough for both of them, letting out a cry that sounds so wrecked Fjord is surprised he doesn’t come right then, especially when he sees the way Caduceus’ cock twitches as Fjord slowly, slowly enters him.

“Oh gods, gods, Fjord, oh fuck-”

Hearing Caduceus curse is really sexy, and once again Fjord has to stop as pleasure pulses through him. He doesn’t want this to be over before it’s started. 

He grips Caduceus’ hips and thrusts his own, bottoming out. This time he doesn’t hold back, moaning low and loud at the tight grip around his cock and the way Caduceus’ muscles are fluttering. 

“You good, baby?” Fjord asks, his voice rough. 

“Yeah, yeah, so good. So good. Feels so good,” Caduceus pants in reply, and though Fjord is sure there must be a little ache, nothing about the man beneath him says he should stop. His thumbs caress the dips of Caduceus’ hip bones, and he waits just a few moments more before he shifts his hips back, relishing the slow drag of his cock inside Caduceus and the friction against the ridges on the underside of his shaft. He draws out until just his head is still inside, then slowly pushes in again. They both moan in unison, and though it isn’t rough or dirty and the bed isn’t banging against the wall it’s the best sex Fjord has ever had. 

His hands leave Caduceus’ hips and slide up over his belly, over his chest, wanting to touch as much as he can. Fjord manages to draw out and slide in once more before the pleasure threatens to spill over and he stills. 

“You’ve ruined me for anyone else,” Fjord laughs breathlessly, carefully balancing his weight on his hands either side of Caduceus so that he can lean up and press his lips against the other man’s throat. Caduceus’ Adam's apple bobs as Fjord kisses it, tasting the sweat on his skin. “You feel amazing.”

Now that he’s closer Caduceus unwinds his fingers from the sheets and instead rakes them slowly down Fjord’s back. His nails are blunt but it still makes Fjord shiver, moreso when one slides up into his hair, holding him in place. 

Fjord chuckles, the sound muffled as he nuzzles into his neck, nipping at the skin and sucking a kiss there. 

It calms him down enough to allow him to start moving again, though this time it’s more of a slow grind than the drawn out slide it was before. He withdraws only an inch or so then rolls his hips to push back in. It has the added benefit of keeping them close, keeping him deep, and if the way Caduceus’ hips are twitching to try and meet Fjord are any indication then it’s very good for both of them. 

Caduceus’ fingers are tracing over his shoulder blades, which feels so strangely intimate considering the position they’re in. Fjord lifts his head and kisses along Caduceus’ jaw until he finds his lips, and they kiss slowly. Caduceus hums, still canting his hips up to meet Fjord’s gentle thrusts and, at the right angle, rub his cock against Fjord’s belly. 

They’re both on a slow burn, the pleasure constant but not in any danger of peaking too quickly, which is just what Fjord wants. He wants Caduceus to feel everything, to remember it all. And it also means Caduceus gets to try things out, to learn what angles he likes (or doesn’t) and they can kiss. Long enough that Fjord can memorise his taste for when they’re apart. 

Despite Caduceus squirming beneath him Fjord gradually begins to pick up the pace, though his thrusts stay shallow, keeping most of him sheathed in the tight heat of the firbolg’s body. Caduceus begins to moan on each exhale, little gaps and groans pressed to Fjord’s lips. The fingers of one hand move up into Fjord’s hair whilst the other drifts to the small of his back, pressing persistently as though it will make Fjord move faster.

“You’re impatient,” Fjord chuckles. 

“I feel like I’m on fire,” Caduceus replies. 

“You wanna come, baby?” Fjord asks softly, bumping their noses together, a grin on his face. Caduceus’ eyes flutter open, the pink of his irises nothing but a thin ring around the huge pupils. 

“I want to make you come,” he rumbles, breathing out softly against Fjord’s lips. 

“You will. I promise. You absolutely will,” Fjord murmurs, closing the space between their mouths to kiss Caduceus again, using that as the catalyst to speed up the movement of their bodies. 

Now the bed starts to creak. Now both of them are moaning louder. 

Fjord moves one of his hands to Caduceus’ thigh, lifting it, guiding it to wrap around his lower back, repeating the gesture on the same side so that Caduceus is clinging to him. But holding him like this Fjord can guide their bodies better, he can push him back and angle his hips and push deeper than he could before. His fingers have already been deep inside Caduceus, already touched him exactly where he’s aiming now, and he knows he’s hit it when Caduceus lets out a surprised gasp and his muscles clench around Fjord’s dick. 

“That’s it, Deucey, you’re doing so well,” Fjord purrs, rolling their bodies together, getting as deep as he can. “Taking it all so well.” He doesn’t know what levels of dirty talk Caduceus might like, but going heavy on the praise never hurt anyone. “You feel so good. So tight. Right there, yeah?” he breathes.

“Fjord, Fjord, yes, please-” Caduceus pants, eyelashes fluttering. His cock twitches between them, rubbing against their stomachs, and his fingers press against Fjord’s head and the small of his back, holding on as though Fjord might suddenly disappear. 

“Good boy,” Fjord continues, the pleasure hot like a ball in his belly, melting down between his legs. “I’ve got you, Deucey. I’m gonna make you come. You gonna come for me, yeah?”

Caduceus whines, his breathing heavy and trembling. Fjord can feel he’s getting close by the way his muscles are gripping Fjord’s cock tighter and tighter every time he pushes in, remembering the way it had felt around his fingers when he’d blown Caduceus last time. But Fjord is greedy for him, he wants to make him come over and over, and he wants to be the only one to do it. The only one to see and feel it. 

Fjord nuzzles against Caduceus’ throat and licks a stripe up the sweaty skin, hovering his mouth over Caduceus’ to feel the ragged puffs of his breath. It makes the man beneath him crane up to try and kiss him, and Fjord really can’t hold back from that, pressing their lips together and kissing him deeply. Caduceus kisses him like a starved man, his body writhing, trying to push down onto Fjord and rub against him at the same time. 

Fjord’s thrusts become even more shallow, just deep, grinding into Caduceus, aiming the head of his cock at his prostate. It seems to work because Caduceus begins to fall apart immediately, his body trembling with pleasure, and he doesn’t keep the volume down. It’s the most beautiful sound. Fjord will die happy knowing he made this amazing man feel this way. 

Caduceus sobs when he comes, as though the relief is too great. Fjord, as is his prerogative, keeps his eyes open to watch, gazing unashamedly as the flush on Caduceus’ skin darkens and the shocks of his orgasm are mapped by the almost silent gasps that rasp from his lips. His walls flutter around Fjord, and there’s no way he can hold himself back much longer. His hips push forward with rough, desperate thrusts, finally drawing louder sounds from Caduceus as his poor, oversensitive prostate is abused a little more.

“I’m there, I’m there, I’m coming, Caduceus. Gonna fill you up, baby-” Fjord rambles, not even ashamed of the fact that saying those things to Caduceus turns him on all the more and brings his own orgasm crashing through him, knocking the breath out of him in a low groan. 

His lips crush against Caduceus’ again, and are met with a kiss equal in enthusiasm. Fjord’s hands slide slowly up the other man’s body until they’re cradling his face, holding him tenderly in comparison to the ferocity of the kisses. He doesn’t want to pull out. He doesn’t want to stop being this close. 

He wants to tell Caduceus he loves him. 

That at least douses his desire to just hold Caduceus down and go again, to keep going until neither of them are capable of moving. Fjord pulls back, petering off with tiny little pecks to his lips before he’s far enough back that they can look at each other. Caduceus’ eyes are half lidded and so, so dark, and Fjord drinks in the sight of him with his sex-messed hair and flushed cheeks, again trying to commit him to memory, to have something for the nights when he’s either very alone or too surrounded by company. 

A tear slides out of each of Caduceus’ eyes, sliding down his temples, and with a frown Fjord brushes them away with his thumbs.

“Hey-?”

“Oh, it’s nothing bad,” Caduceus replies, his voice deeper and rougher than ever. “Quite the opposite,” he adds with a chuckle, his eyes turning away, breaking their gaze.

“Was this- you enjoyed it?” Fjord asks, his touch still gentle on Caduceus’ face.

“So much, Fjord. This was amazing,” Caduceus says softly, looking back at Fjord once more. “We can- if you want to- you know I really enjoy-” 

For someone who is usually so good with his words, seeing Caduceus unable to form a sentence is really quite gratifying. As is the prospect of doing this again. 

“You know, if we had the chance I would be in bed with you every night.” Fjord decides to go for it, all of his eggs on the table, or whatever the saying is. “Not just for this.” He shifts slightly, pulling out with reluctance to allow himself to lay at Caduceus’ side and pull him into his arms. “But this, too-” They’re facing each other, Caduceus’ hands resting on Fjord’s chest, their noses bumping, allowing each other little kisses. “I really like this.”

“Me too,” Caduceus replies, nodding his head. “We have so much to do-”

Fjord sighs heavily, his chest aching with longing and no way to satisfy it. He’s a selfish man, but he’s also grown used to helping people, saving the world, and so on. 

“-but when we’re done, Fjord, if you still want this then I will gladly go to bed and wake up with you every night.”

Fjord opens his eyes, and this time Caduceus’ are open and clear and bright as he looks back at him. 

“I’m going to still want that, whenever the day comes, Caduceus,” he replies. “I’ve wanted  _ you _ more with every day that’s passed, I’m not going to stop.”

Caduceus beams, kissing Fjord again, soft but firm and reassuring.

Fjord falls asleep with his head on Caduceus’ chest, their breathing in sync with each other, their legs tangled beneath the covers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've spent the entirety of my four days off over Christmas writing. So I'm putting out this chapter and tossing in two other fics as well, so look out for them too. 
> 
> I wish you all a happy and healthy 2021!
> 
> Please come and chat to me on Discord ~ Tulli#0322 and on tumblr ~ hey-tulli, where I post soft things and cry over fandom.
> 
> Take care of yourselves and be kind to each other!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something wicked this way comes-
> 
> Fjord has some trauma. 
> 
> Red or Green?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's at about this time my nice little six times fic starts to go off the rails completely as an actual plot swung in out of nowhere and I rolled with it. Just roll with it, guys!
> 
> There is some very brief major character death at the start of the chapter, but there are diamonds a plenty so it's only temporary. There's mentions of blood and trauma, some PTSD, some vague hints at body issues, I'm going to tag as much as I can but please let me know if there are more tags I need to add. 
> 
> I've also taken some artistic liberty with word of recall, because I have no idea how it properly actions, so here you go!

As is their habit, the Mighty Nein spend the next week fighting for their lives, taking watches even when they are somewhere they should consider safe, and spending the nights nursing their wounds. There’s no time to have moments, there’s no time to hold hands and kiss and fall asleep wrapped around each other. Well, maybe the latter happens, but it’s nothing more than comfort, no different to the way the others press against each other to feel a warm body, an odd security they all cling to. In a week Fjord has fallen asleep sandwiched between every possible combination of his friends, or sat awake watching them sleep in between paranoid scans of the land around them. More often than not Caleb is too tapped to give them anything more than the dome, but it’s better than nothing. 

They’re chasing something terrible, they all know it. Something terrible that probably knows they’re coming, and they don’t know how it will find them. They just imagine it will. 

So many times a day Fjord takes out the map he acquired that is going to lead them to their quarry. He wants them to change their mind, wants them to admit this is too big for them, but none of them will. They’ll go down fighting to save the world. 

  
  


Caleb goes down right in front of Fjord, his throat gushing blood, his eyes panicked as death comes sweeping in for him quickly. Fjord doesn’t have the healing power to do anything, no matter how much he tries. His hands are soaked with blood and he can’t help, can’t do anything but cradle his friend in his arms. 

Behind him Jester screams and falls too, though she gets up again slowly, pulling herself to her feet and throwing the full might of her spells at the beast that looms over them, ugly and indescribable in its horror. 

Caduceus is wielding his power in a way Fjord has never seen before, the light that is pouring from him, the wind that billows around him as he casts high damage spells that he usually doesn’t touch and in literally any other scenario Fjord would be enjoying the view, but his attention is on Caleb, holding him in the last moments of his life so that he knows he isn’t alone. 

They have diamonds. Diamonds are their most precious commodity. Fjord lowers Caleb’s head gently to the floor with promises that they’ll return for him soon, they just have to kill this thing- He fires three Eldrich blasts as he starts forward again, but nothing is making an impact. They’ve made a terrible mistake. They’re all going to die here. Fjord had suggested they come here. Fjord brought them here. Fjord brought them to their deaths-

He runs at the thing, his sword blazing in his hand, determined to go out swinging and bloody. And then he’s not. The wind is knocked from him suddenly by a body swinging in from the right and tackling him, and Fjord finds himself hitting the floor with a jolt of pain in his left shoulder as he lands. 

“Up!” Caduceus yells at him, scrambling away, and Fjord’s body complies with the order before his brain has even caught on, dragging himself to his feet and following the blur of the cleric over to Caleb’s body. 

“What are you-?” Fjord starts, but doesn’t get to finish as Caduceus grabs the front of his armour and Fjord’s world explodes in green light. 

The sound of waves shocks him and he staggers, dropping down onto the rough ground around the base of the Wildmother’s lighthouse in Nicodranus. He reaches for the stone of Melora’s form just to anchor himself, breathing in the cold, salty air. 

Already Caduceus is leaning over Caleb, a diamond resting against the wizard’s sternum, the soft green glow closing around his hands as his healing power seeps into their friend. 

He’s so powerful. Fjord is overwhelmed by him. 

Vines begin to creep over Caleb’s upper body, his shoulders and neck and face, encasing him in a leafy cocoon for a few moments before they turn to dust and the human is gasping in breaths, his fingers twisting in the sleeve of Caduceus’ shirt. 

“Shh, shh, Caleb, you’re fine. We’re fine, hush now-” Caduceus coos, cupping Caleb’s face in his big hands and holding him steady. “We’re safe. We’re in Nicodranus.”

“Where- what- uh- the girls-” Fjord stammers, shivering, feeling the cold. Or maybe it’s shock.

“Jester’s sanctuary is her room. They’ll be back there,” Caduceus replies, stroking Caleb’s hair gently as his eyes sweep over Fjord. “We should head off, you both need to get into bed.”

He helps Caleb to his feet slowly, supporting him with an arm beneath his armpits. They walk towards Fjord, who has slumped onto the rocks at the bottom of the lighthouse, and Caduceus reaches out a hand to touch him. Fjord feels the healing power pulse through him, feels the pain in his shoulder abate, but then everything is still too much. He hurts in a different way. 

“Get up, Fjord,” Caduceus says, firm but not unkind. It works just as well as the command back in the cave had at least, and Fjord gets to his feet, unsteadily certainly, but he’s there, he can do as he’s told if it means he doesn’t have to think. “Come,” Caduceus seems to have caught onto that easily enough, gesturing to his side not currently occupied by Caleb. “We’re going back.” 

Fjord obediently falls into step beside them, allowing their bodies to bump against each other every so often as they walk, just to remind himself he’s okay. He’s not alone. Caduceus is anchoring him. Before they’re even past the docks, Caduceus’ arm is around him too, pulling him in close.

It’s not surprising that the girls haven’t waited patiently in the Lavish Chateau for them to make their way back. They’re still a few blocks away when Fjord sees Jester running up the street towards them and, not knowing which of them to hug first, she slams her body into Caduceus, arms stretched out to draw Caleb and Fjord in. She sobs against Caduceus’ chest, and he presses a little kiss to her hair, clearly reluctant to let go of either of his wards just yet. 

Beau appears, moving to Caleb’s other side and taking the lead in supporting him before Veth is wrapped around one of the wizard’s legs, crying against his hip. 

Fjord can feel himself shaking uncontrollably, and is grateful that Caduceus keeps them moving, steering them towards the safety of the Chateau. 

Yasha hovers initially, not knowing who to help and what to do, but then takes the lead in guiding them back, keeping the street clear in front of them with nothing more than a few well aimed glares. 

Marion’s eyes are wide and scared when they make it to the living quarters. Clearly her daughter appearing out of nowhere and then running out into the street in a panic had alarmed her, and seeing the state of everyone else has done nothing to reassure her. Jester, only slightly calmer now, presses herself into her mom’s arms and starts to explain loosely what happened and why they’re here, though it doesn’t help any of them get their heads around the horrors they’ve just been faced with. 

Fjord’s fault. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I- I suggested- I’m sorry-” he stammers, looking at his trembling hands and trying to still them.

“It’s not your fault, Fjord,” Beau says with a frown, flopping onto the sofa and beginning to unwrap the bindings on her hands, though her eyes are fixed on him with concern. 

“I suggested-” he tries again, the weight of all of his friends lives heavy on his shoulders, making him shake more, becoming disorientated, the protests of his friends nothing but muffled sounds as though he were underwater. 

“We’re going to our room,” Caduceus says quickly. “I have something for the shock.” His grip is firm on Fjord’s waist as he leads him away from the rest of the party, down the corridor to the room they always share. Any other time Fjord would have been delighted by the use of ‘our room’, or worried about what the others could interpret from that, but there’s no time. Caduceus’ pace is steady but offers no room for Fjord to drag his feet. 

The door closes behind them and Fjord stands in the middle of the room, looking at the bed they have shared, the bed they have been intimate in, but everything feels hazy around the edges, nothing focuses properly, his hands still shake, his heart beats too fast. 

“Do you want to take your armour off, Fjord?” Caduceus asks as he moves around, setting up his kettle and putting it on to heat.

Fjord hears the question, but it’s not as easy to get the answer out. Or to pick an answer. Does he want to? It would be more comfortable. But that seems like something he shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy. They could have all died. If they didn’t have Jester and Caduceus they would have all died. Caleb would be gone. His mouth opens and closes but he fails to make any noise. 

Caduceus looks over at him and then nods, as though realising something. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “Fjord, take off your armour.” 

Fjord blinks at him, the fog in his brain clearing slightly with the easy instruction. He can do that. He can do what Caduceus has asked. He starts to unfasten the straps, loosening everything so that he can peel it off, focusing on his unsteady fingers following the paths they’ve traversed a thousand times before. It’s a little slow going, and Caduceus has taken his own off and is pouring tea before Fjord has finished, left in just the shirt and small clothes that he wears beneath. 

Once again Caduceus looks up at him, but this time he smiles brightly. “Good job, Fjord. Well done. That’ll help you feel a bit better.” He puts down his tea pot and steps away from it for a moment, coming closer to Fjord and cupping his cheek. He touches his lips between Fjord’s brow. “Good boy. Sit down. I’m going to bring you tea.”

_ Sit down _ . Okay. Fjord nods and goes to perch on the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands on his knees whilst he listens to the tea being made, the gentle clink of the china and Caduceus shuffling around. 

A shiver runs through him when Caduceus comes to stand in front of him again. “Sit against the pillows, Fjord,” he instructs and, after swallowing heavily, Fjord nods, pushing himself up against the headboard. It is odd that Caduceus hasn’t said please or thank you any of these times, but there’s something about his straightforward commands that make everything so much easier. He isn’t asking Fjord, he’s telling him. 

One of the small, mismatched cups Fjord has grown to love is held in front of him. He wants to reach for it, but he also wants Caduceus to tell him to. It takes a few moments for Caduceus to catch onto that, which is fine because they’re running into this aftercare completely blind, but he does get there. “Drink this, Fjord.”

Caduceus says his name with every command, too. It’s gentle, such a sweet sounding word when it’s on the firbolg’s lips, and it helps a lot. He knows this is for him and him alone. Caduceus is here for him. 

He brings the tea to his lips and sips. It’s the perfect temperature, and it’s woody and spicy. Fjord closes his eyes for a moment and breathes it in before taking another sip. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

“You’re welcome, Fjord.” The bed beside him sinks down with the weight of Caduceus’ body, and he settles himself so that their legs are pressed together, their shoulders brushing. They’re quiet as they drink, the tension inside Fjord easing up a little more. They’re all safe. He’ll be more careful next time. He won’t take charge of anything, he can’t be trusted to-

“Is Caleb going to be okay?” he asks at length, still not daring to look up at Caduceus. 

“Yes, Fjord. He’s alive, I healed him too, he’s just a little shaken by the whole thing. We’ve both died before, you remember how it feels. It’s rather disorientating but he’s going to be fine after a good sleep.”

Fjord nods his head. His tea cup is empty enough that he can see the little bits of tea leaf swirling in the bottom.

“I’d like to give you some more healing, too. I want you to tell me green if it’s okay and red if it’s not okay. Do you understand, Fjord?” 

Once again Fjord nods his head. He understands.

“I need you to use your words, Fjord. Green if I can heal you, red if not.”

It’s a good way of shaking Fjord out of automatic compliance, even as he nods his head again, remembering to say a word that isn’t just yes or no. 

“Green.”

“Good boy, Fjord.” Caduceus’ fingers run through his hair, the praise and the touch sending a shiver through him. “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so well.” His hand rests upon Fjord’s shoulder and Fjord can feel the warmth of the healing energy pulsing through him. Pain he hadn’t acknowledged eases, and he feels so much lighter. 

“It’s time to get into bed,” Caduceus says, taking Fjord’s teacup from him and getting up to place them on the dresser with his teapot. “Stand up, Fjord.”

Fjord obeys, getting off of the covers so that Caduceus can pull them back. The sheets they’d laid together on before. It’s nice to know they can get back in here, that Caduceus wants to get into bed with him. That he trusts Fjord enough to lay curled up against him in his most vulnerable state.

“Fjord?”

His head snaps up, worried that Caduceus has been talking and he’s been ignoring him. But Caduceus’ expression is gentle, and he gestures to the bed. 

“Please get in. I’m going to pull the covers over us and we’re going to sleep. Everything will feel better in the morning.”

Fjord gets back onto the bed and lays down, letting Caduceus tuck them both in and lower the lights. Caduceus is warm beside him, his furred skin brushing against Fjord’s as he shifts around to get comfortable. The darkness, the bed, the lack of other voices, the feel of Caduceus beside him- this is the time they’ve usually stolen as their own, time when they’d kissed and touched. Fjord’s pulse is quickening, and he has no doubt that Caduceus can hear it. 

But he can’t ask. Can he ask? What would Caduceus do? Order Fjord to fuck him? Or blow him? Both of those things are quite nice, and there’d certainly be no protest, but he doesn’t want to worry about what he might do wrong. He needs Caduceus to be in charge of that, and he doesn’t know if that’s something the cleric would be willing to do.

Fjord shifts, tension moving through his body like waves, making him uncomfortable. Enough that he can’t keep still or get into a satisfactory position. 

Caduceus turns his head on his pillow, his eyes on the side of Fjord’s head. “Tell me what you need, Fjord.”

Fjord swallows. “I don’t know. I’m too tense. I’m strung too tightly.”

“What do you need, Fjord?”

Fjord turns his head. “I need you, Caduceus.”

The body beside him shifts, grows closer, Caduceus’ hand comes to rest against his chest. “What do you need me to do?”

“Unwind me,” Fjord whispers.

There’s a pause, a heartbeat of time where the words travel from his lips and hang in the air between them. Fjord waits, listening to the other man breathing beside him. 

He feels him shift again, closer still, the hand on his chest guiding Caduceus across his body, pushing Fjord’s legs apart with his own. Fjord lets out a breath, a relieved sigh at the pressure and weight of Caduceus on top of him. “Like this?” 

“Yes,” Fjord sighs, closing his eyes and then smiling as he feels Caduceus’ lips at the corner of his mouth. “Green.”

“Should I use my fingers to unwind you?” Caduceus asks, stroking his fingers down Fjord’s chest as he kisses down his jaw, reaching his ear. “To begin with? Red or green?”

“Green-” Fjord moans, shivering beneath Caduceus. His arms wrap around him, fingers fisting in his thin shirt. 

Caduceus nips at Fjord’s earlobe and then moves back, kneeling up. “I’m going to undress you. Make you more comfortable.”

“Green,” Fjord says again quickly, arching when Caduceus’ fingers slide up under his shirt, pushing it up and then gently easing it over Fjord’s arms and head. He resumes touching, dancing his fingers back over Fjord’s chest too lightly to be satisfying, just a tease that lights up his skin. Fjord shivers, spreading his arms out either side of him, completely at Caduceus’ mercy. 

And Caduceus takes that responsibility very seriously. 

He’s gentle as he traces down to Fjord’s hips, to the slight softness of his stomach that Fjord used to try and hide but now accepts, allowing the gentle, worshipful touch of his partner. Caduceus hooks his fingers into the waistband of Fjord’s pants, pulling them down slowly but steadily, praising Fjord for lifting his hips to aid in their removal.

“Good boy, Fjord. You look so lovely. I could gaze at you forever.”

Normally Fjord would protest such praise, but normally (previously) he would also protest being so naked and vulnerable, nothing to shield him from the intensity of a gaze as strong as Caduceus’. Now, though, he feels admired, he feels cared for and protected and wanted. 

Caduceus’ hands slide up and down his thighs, pushing them further apart gently. Fjord doesn’t need much coaxing, but it feels good to have the control taken from him. To just be a thing for Caduceus’ attention and enjoyment. 

Caduceus is still new to this, Fjord has enough presence of mind to remember that, but so far even playing it by ear Caduceus is doing wonders. 

“I’m going to reach over and get the lubricant, Fjord,” the cleric says, but doesn’t move, waiting for the agreement. 

“Green,” Fjord rasps out, looking down at his own body where his cock is filling against his belly. 

He closes his eyes then, feeling the slight movement of the bed and their bodies shifting, Caduceus moving around, doing whatever he needs to do. His brain is full of pleasant white noise that blocks out everything but the background sound of his pulse and his partner’s voice.

A shiver runs through him at the brush of a finger against his entrance, slick and slow as it circles around.

“Fjord?”

“Green,” Fjord says without hesitation, drawing his knees up slightly to open himself more for Caduceus’ touch. 

It’s tentative, continuing to circle gently for a few more moments before adding some pressure. Fjord holds his breath, then lets it out with a sigh as the finger presses into him. It’s been a very long time, and Fjord has forgotten the immense pleasure it gives him. It’s made even better by it being Caduceus’ long, gentle finger pushing inside him. He’s slow and careful, but his finger can get deep, brushing against Fjord’s prostate with ease. It’s so surprising that Fjord’s hips jump up and he cries out, immediately fully hard, precome spurting out over his belly. 

“Oh,” he hears Caduceus hum, followed immediately by another swipe of his finger. Fjord might be ready for it this time but it doesn’t stop the intensity of the pleasure it brings. “You beautiful boy. You’re going to take another finger now,” he says softly, but again he waits, and again Fjord knows he has to give permission. 

“Yes, green.” he manages, drawing his legs back more, groaning at the slight burn and stretch as Caduceus pushes in a second finger. It knocks the breath out of Fjord, eyes squeezing closed as tears leak out of the corners of them. 

He feels Caduceus’ lips flutter against his cheek, kissing away the tears as he pushes both fingers in deep. It’s incredible. Fjord feels as though he’s falling apart, being caught in Caduceus’ careful hands and then reassembled. 

The fingers inside him spread and Fjord’s eyes roll back, enjoying the way they stroke against his walls. Their lips brush, the chastest of kisses, and then Caduceus is pulling back, resuming his kneeling position. It gives him better leverage to fuck Fjord slow and rough, drawing moans out of Fjord each time. 

“Another finger,” Caduceus says, letting it rest against Fjord’s rim as he waits for his agreement.

“Green,” Fjord pants. The pleasure is building up gradually but nowhere near cresting, humming through his veins. 

The pleasure then is dizzying. Fjord’s thighs tremble and he moans shamelessly loud, lips parting to gasp in the air. He gasps once again when he feels the fingers of Caduceus’ other hand trace his lips, his tongue darting out to lick one fingertip, moaning with pleasure when that finger slips into his mouth. He sucks on it obediently, shivering with happiness when Caduceus purrs. A second finger joins the first and Fjord sucks on that one just as eagerly. Two fingers in his mouth, three fingers still fucking him slowly, he’s happily full. But Fjord also knows how big Caduceus is, how much is going on between his legs, and how  _ full _ he could really feel. Not that he’s complaining about this buzz, this constant thrum of pleasure that’s rolling through him- 

His eyes are closed as he sucks on Caduceus’ fingers, his mind comfortable and at ease and in a good place. Fjord has never felt anything like this before, as though he’s floating but anchored. All of the things he’s been worrying about have slipped away. It’s bliss. 

The fingers inside him press deep and spread, working Fjord open. Fjord wants to feel his cock, but he isn’t going to ask. He just spreads his legs more. 

“You’re a good boy, Fjord. You look so beautiful like this. I’m so pleased you’re relaxing. Do you want to come this way?”

Fjord shakes his head. It’s not really so serious to warrant a ‘red’ but he doesn’t want to disappoint Caduceus. 

“Red.”

“Good boy. Do you want me to put my mouth on you, Fjord?”

Fjord sucks softly on Caduceus’ fingers for a few more moments, blissed out, letting the question settle over him, in no rush to reply. 

“Red,” he manages as best he can whilst curling his tongue around Caduceus’ fingertips. 

Caduceus is silent, nothing but his heavy breathing audible for the moment. Fjord continues to happily suck on his fingers, rolling his hips and pushing down on the ones inside him. 

When he speaks again Caduceus’ voice is an octave lower, rough, but he’s completely composed. 

“Would you like me to fuck you, Fjord?”

Fjord’s whole world stops, replaced by nothing but pleasure and contentment and the feeling of safety. He doesn’t know how long it takes him to reply, but he’s sure Caduceus would give him all the time in the world. 

“Green.”

“Good boy,” Caduceus says again, somehow managing to reach an even deeper octave, low and breathy that makes Fjord’s toes curl. 

The fingers inside him spread again, and Fjord hums. He knows those fingers aren’t going to match the thickness of Caduceus’ cock, and he can’t wait. He sucks happily on the fingers in his mouth again. It keeps him in this happy place he’s found himself in, so he only notices something has changed when he tries to clench and finds himself emptier, gripping nothing. 

Fearing Caduceus might remove the ones he’s sucking on, too, Fjord takes his wrist gently in his fingers, holding the hand in place. 

“Don’t worry, Fjord. I won’t leave you completely empty.” Caduceus’ voice rolls through him, fondness colouring it. Fjord settles again, running his tongue over fingertips slowly as though he can map their prints. 

A few moments later he feels the blunt head of Caduceus’ cock press against him. He’s slick and stretched so his head slips in easily, but he’s still thick. Fjord clenches, wanting to feel as best he can, enjoying the slight burn and stretch.

“Fjord? Darlin’, red or green?”

Again Fjord isn’t sure how long it takes him to process the words or reply, but Caduceus doesn’t move until he does. 

“Green,” he whispers, moaning out, back arching when Caduceus pushes forward, gradually filling him. And Fjord so desperately wants to be able to keep the fingers in his mouth but his writhing and his gasping for breath make it a little difficult to maintain. He grips Caduceus’ wrist though, needing the touch, the contact that grounds him. 

“I’ve got you. I promise,” Caduceus says, and Fjord really believes him. He shifts his weight forward so that he’s leaning over Fjord, his hair falling like a flower-scented waterfall around Fjord’s face, and he opens his eyes fully to look at the man above him, knowing he’s completely gone. He’s past the line of no return. He’s hopelessly, desperately in love. 

Maybe Caduceus sees it in his eyes, because his expression softens slightly, and he leans down to touch their lips against each other, the kiss familiar and slow, a dance they’ve learnt the movements to together. 

Fjord’s free hand lifts to stroke over the shaved side of Caduceus’ head, holding him in place. There’s no need to move yet. This thing between them is like lightning, it lights up Fjord’s veins, thunders in his pulse, the echoes in Caduceus’. Their movement begins slowly, Caduceus just grinding against Fjord, barely withdrawing. But Fjord can feel the ridges he’s admired in so many other ways as they rub against his walls, and he knows once they’re moving properly it’s going to feel incredible. He’s in no rush to ask, though. Caduceus can lead and guide, take charge. Fjord feels safe. He’s never allowed this kind of vulnerability with anyone else, but there’s no one else in the world it could be. 

It’s always going to be Caduceus. 

Caduceus is slim but his hips are wide enough that Fjord can feel a pleasant ache in his thighs from where they’re parted around him, and still a slight burning stretch around Caduceus’ cock, which is thicker than anything he’s had inside him before. He clenches his muscles just to feel it, enjoying the little moan he gets against his lips. Maybe it’s that which encourages the movement, too, because Caduceus begins to roll his hips enough that Fjord can feel him withdraw maybe an inch before he pushes back in. It’s gentle on the withdrawal but rougher when he’s filled up again, both of their bodies rocking, the bed giving a soft creek. It also brings the head of Caduceus’ cock against his prostate, pushing the breath from Fjord’s lungs every time it does. 

“You feel amazing, Fjord,” Caduceus whispers between their lips, settled into his rhythm, making Fjord dizzy with arousal. 

He doesn’t know what to say, but it’s okay because he’s helplessly moaning and that answers a lot of questions as to how he’s feeling right now. Fjord’s cock is sandwiched between their bellies, too, getting the right amount of friction to just keep him on edge. 

“I want to make you come, Fjord.” 

Caduceus is inexperienced with his body, but he knows what he’s doing with his words and he knows how to use them, knows the intonation and the weight that is needed to make Fjord fall apart. Those words worked, they did amazingly, but a few slow, grinding moments later and he speaks again

“I’m  _ going  _ to make you come, Fjord.”

“Green-” Fjord whimpers.

A huff of air brushes over his lips, a little laugh from Caduceus. “Good boy,” he all but purrs, rocking his hips harder, bracing his hands on either side of Fjord’s head, gripping the pillow to help with his leverage. 

Fjord’s eyes roll back, his thighs twitching with every thrust, every solid press against his prostate. His own fingers flail, don’t know where to go, then reach for the man pressing into him, digging his blunt nails into the space between two sharp, furred shoulder blades. Caduceus’ skin is hot and damp with sweat and there’s something so raw and delicious about that, as though Fjord needs to be reminded of just how sexy, how sexual Caduceus is now. As if the panting against his ear and the constant rhythmic pounding into him isn’t enough. He’s pulling taunt, muscles clenching and no longer fully relaxing, his breath no more than sharp exhales and desperate gasps. 

Lips brush against his ear. “I have you,” comes that low, whispered voice. “You’re safe with me, Fjord.”

He hears the words but it’s difficult to acknowledge them, to form any kind of coherent reply. He feels Caduceus shift, adjust his weight but somehow maintain his rhythm and angle like he’s done this a thousand times before. Or maybe Fjord is just too gone to notice anything slightly off. Fingers slide over his belly and find his cock, his next gasp coloured with a choked out moan of pleasure as Caduceus winds him tighter, strokes him slowly, keeping pace with his hips- 

“Come, Fjord,” Caduceus breathes out against his ear, and it’s like flicking a switch. The pleasure is instantaneous, flooding through him, his body too willing to obey everything asked of him. It crests like a wave and he dives straight into it, the world muffling to nothing but the roar of his pulse in his ears and the incredible intensity of his orgasm. 

Caduceus’ movements have only now become slightly stilted as he moves shallow and fast, pushing into the increased tightness to get himself off. Fjord clings to him as he does, feeling overwhelmed by the pleasure, by the knowledge that Caduceus was using him, enjoying him. 

“Take it all for me, Fjord-” 

Those were the filthiest words Fjord had ever heard, coupled with the rumbling voice, the sharp stutter of Caduceus’ movement, he feels another rush of pleasure, another spurt of his own come over his chest as Caduceus groans and comes inside him. All of it for Fjord. 

No one has ever made him feel like this. Nothing has. It’s incomparable. 

Caduceus’ lips find his and they kiss slowly. Fjord unwinds, comfortable, cared for, curled in the embrace of the person he loves more than anything in the world. Safe. 

“You did so well,” Caduceus breathes out. “I’m so proud of you, Fjord.”

It isn’t the first time Caduceus has said that, but it feels bigger now. As though he can always rely on this man to love him and be proud of him and care for him when Fjord can’t do those things for himself. 

He opens his eyes, sighing as his gaze meets the brilliance of Caduceus’, the pale pink flecked with lavender that are drinking him in as though he is a wonder, of all the things they have seen in the world and Caduceus looks at  _ him _ that way. 

“I love you,” Fjord says without thinking, but there isn’t concern or anxiety, not a speck of it anywhere in his being. Caduceus’ body, his soul, has replied in agreement long before the feeling was put into words. 

Still, he sees the firbolg smile softly and it’s glorious. There’s a careful movement where their bodies separate, but then Caduceus is pressed against his side, his hand cupping Fjord’s cheek to keep their gazes locked. 

“I never thought I would feel the sensation of being  _ in _ love,” Caduceus starts, and Fjord draws in a breath, eager to absorb these words that are for him, all for him. “And it never concerned me. I knew love in it’s many other forms and it was a blessing. And then I met you. And this feeling bloomed in me like a flower. I saw your soul and I was gone. This bright, jagged, aching feeling for you. I understood why people sought it then, why anyone would spend their life looking for the person who made them feel like they belonged in that place and that time. You are all that to me. I would walk to the ends of the earth with you.”

“And I would have you by my side until my days are done,” Fjord replies, moving so that they can kiss again, feeling his eyes sting before being soothed by tears that slip from the corners of them. 

Caduceus’ thumb brushes them away. 

They bask in each other’s warmth for a few more moments until Caduceus climbs from the bed to get something to clean them up. He’s gentle, he’s always gentle, but Fjord relishes all of his touches, his eyelids half closed as he lazily watches his cleric care for him. He’s thankful when Caduceus gets back into bed, though, pressing up against Fjord’s side once more. 

“Are you feeling better?” Caduceus asks, tracing his finger over Fjord’s lips and touching his tusks. “These are coming in well. You look very handsome.”

“I’m feeling a lot better. Thank you. And thank you,” he adds with a bashful little smile for the compliment. 

“Should we continue with the red and green?” Caduceus queries, pausing his touches so that he doesn’t distract Fjord, so that he can get an honest reply. 

Fjord thinks about it. It was relaxing, and it helped him, he needed it, but he’s feeling a lot better now, his brain is in a much better place. At ease.

“No. Red. I’m feeling good,” he reiterates, then adds once more- “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. If you need it again-” Caduceus tips his head slightly to think about what could be the signal.

“I think you’ll notice. You always know,” Fjord says, taking Caduceus’ wrist gently in his hand and bringing it back up to his lips, dragging the soft skin against his tusks again. “And I’m glad you think I’m handsome. Do these bother you when we kiss?”

“Bother me?” Caduceus chuckles. “No. No, I love them. I’m glad you’ve stopped worrying at them.” 

Fjord smiles, pushing Caduceus’ hair back behind his ear and then brushing his fingers over his cheek. The fur is slightly damp. Maybe Fjord wasn’t the only one who found it quite emotional. 

“Do you think the others know?” he asks at length, because Caduceus would know if they did. If they’d picked up on anything. Although he doesn’t think they’ve changed how they act towards each other when they’re not behind closed doors. 

“I don’t think so,” Caduceus replies, resting his hand on Fjord’ s chest, teasing the little patch of chest hair growing between his pecs. “Do you want to keep it that way?”

“I’m not ashamed of this,” Fjord says quickly.

“No, I know,” Caduceus smiles. “But do you want to keep it just between us?”

Neither of them need to say out loud that they know a Big Deal will be made about them if they do tell the others. Jester is already practically planning Yasha and Beau’s wedding, and made far more unnecessary comments about them sitting alone or just going to bed than was ever needed. And they’d had time to see that build up. Caduceus and Fjord’s relationship might not be so new to them, maybe Caleb or Beau might have picked something up, but it is theirs. It’s kind of nice that it’s just theirs for now.

“I think it’s better that we do. I don’t want them making comments every time we just want to go to sleep,” Fjord replies lightly. 

Caduceus chuckles, leaning in and kissing Fjord’s cheek, then his nose, then the corner of his mouth. “They’re good people, but so nosy. Now isn’t the time, either. We have a lot of other things to be dealing with.”

That’s a little dose of coldness on the warmth between them, a reminder of the things that they have to deal with outside of the bubble they are curled up in. Of course Caduceus notices whatever it is that Fjord does when he thinks thoughts like that, because his arms are wrapping around Fjord and pulling him closer, up against his chest where the steady beat of his heart is loud and soothing. 

“Everything’s going to be okay, Fjord. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We lick our wounds and we regroup. We take care of each other,” Caduceus whispers as he strokes his fingers up and down Fjord’s back. “And then you and I can come back to this. Lock away the outside for a while. We won’t be saving the world forever. One day you and I can set sail and travel for leisure-”

“Don’t you want to go back to the grove?” Fjord asks, lifting his head slightly, kissing Caduceus’ jaw. 

“We can spend summer on the ocean and winter in the grove. There’s less work to do in the winter, anyway. So that’s a bonus,” Caduceus rumbles gently, humour in his voice. 

Fjord chuckles. What a prospect that is! Their life together. 

One hand stops it’s soothing passage up and down Fjord’s back, waving lightly to dim the lights in the room. 

“I like that you don’t have to get out of bed for these things,” Fjord murmurs, stretching out and then letting Caduceus sprawl across his chest. “Very useful.”

“I’m sure there’s other things I could learn to do to make our lives lazier,” Caduceus smiles. 

Tiredness is creeping over Fjord like sinking into warm water. He doesn’t know if Caduceus says anything else, or if they just settle into silence and drift off to sleep, but for the first time that week Fjord’s dreams are sweet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been too anxious to read any comments that have been left on the previous chapters and previous fics, so I'm sorry I haven't got back to any of you. Anxiety is a bitch. 
> 
> I initially hated this chapter when I first read through it but I think it turned out okay in the end. 
> 
> If anyone wants to chat about anything, I'm Tulli#0322 on Discord and hey-tulli on tumblr where everything is tragic ships and everything hurts. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves and be kind to each other!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to prepare to save the world in two easy steps.
> 
> Featuring the campaign crossover no one asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realise this chapter was so short. But here you go! Happy...middle of the week!   
> There is some peril, there are mentions and thoughts on pending death, there are members of the Tal'Dorei Council.  
> I keep thinking I've spelt Allura and Yussa wrong.   
> It's a great time. Enjoy!

They take days off. Long stretches of days where they look at the thing that they have to do in a kind of distant way, as though it’s a holiday they’re planning, something far off, a daydream. Granted a daydream that could kill them, but they’re not talking about that. 

Caduceus spends a lot of time in meditation and conversation with the Wildmother. Sometimes he asks for Fjord’s help, and they sit cross-legged on their borrowed or conjured floors, their fingers loosely joined, warm breezes blowing around them. 

Caleb sometimes casts their tower just so that they have access to books and space and don't take up all of the rooms in the chateau every night. 

They sleep in Caduceus’ room in the tower so that the bed is big enough. Maybe that is noticed. Fjord doesn’t know and he doesn’t really care. The two of them aren’t all over each other outside of their bedroom, they keep each other company but spend time with everyone else. Fjord trains with Beau, and sometimes Yasha comes along too, though she’s certainly more of a soloist when it comes to working out. 

Beau seems happy, though. Everything about her is a lot looser, she goes a little easier on Fjord, pats him on the shoulder more, nudges him affectionately. He thinks of telling her about Caduceus, so that the two of them can rejoice in their new relationships, in the pleasure they have for now in finding love in this awkward, dangerous place. He thinks she knows, anyway, because she’s perceptive. And Fjord has found that acknowledging his own feelings has made him note the way other people act, too. The way Caleb looks at Jester. The way he and Essek also light up around each other. The way Eadwulf acts around Caduceus the few times their paths have crossed. Fjord sees it all a lot clearer now, so he’s sure that Beau does, too. 

In between their pretending to relax, the Nein do talk about what to do next. They talk about their options, their strengths, their weaknesses. They have to go back to the cave, they have to finish what they started with that thing because the longer they wait the stronger it gets and the sooner it will unleash itself on the world. 

They know other people. Powerful people. It’s Jester’s idea to call them, to put out a message to everyone they know and trust and ask for help. To rally them around their flag and take them all to the fight. 

One afternoon Fjord walks into their room (the lounge and the bedroom have portholes now. The walls of the bedroom look like the inside of a ship. Copies of the decorative maps hang around in here. He thinks that Caduceus has something to do with these changes but he doesn’t need to ask. This is their room. Their home together.) and finds Caduceus sitting on the floor with three large diamonds in front of him. He’s staring at them, his expression blank. 

“Hey,” Fjord says, closing the door behind him. Caduceus’ ear flicks but he doesn’t say anything. His shoulders rise in a heavy sigh. 

Stepping carefully around the diamonds, Fjord takes a seat opposite Caduceus, crossing his legs and looking at the huge, glittering gems. 

“These are for our trip, huh?” Fjord asks as casually as possible. 

Caduceus clears his throat. “They’re all worth five-hundred gold. We can bring someone back to life within ten days with these. Jester and I are waiting on a few slightly more expensive ones that will let us do it after a longer time, so we can go back and find people and revive them. We’ll have enough for nearly all of us. If I die-”

“Caduceus-” Fjord tries to cut him off. He doesn’t want to hear that. 

“No, Fjord, listen to me-” Caduceus doesn’t ask a lot of anyone, he doesn’t ask for help, he doesn’t ask to be healed, even. Fjord can do this one thing for him. He lifts his eyes to meet the other man’s, swallows heavily, and listens. “If I die, and if you don’t have any diamonds, if you need more, if other people need them-” Fjord closes his eyes against that. Selfless Caduceus. “I want you to take me back to my family. My parents, if they’re at the Grove, will be able to bring me back. Don’t waste a diamond on me if it’s needed. I need you to agree, Fjord.”

“How am I supposed to leave you dead? Caduceus, how am I supposed to-?” Fjord swallows again. How is he supposed to live if Caduceus cannot?

Warm fingers cover his own, and Fjord doesn’t even consider the diamonds in between them, launching himself over the space between them to press himself against Caduceus, crushing their lips together. He can feel the cleric smiling, gentle hands guiding him closer, huffing out a laugh at the little clink of the diamonds falling against each other. 

“Fjord-” Caduceus says softly. “I will love you until the day I die, however long that might be from now. You are all I want. It is a wonderful thing that we found each other. And if there is any chance for us to get those years exploring the sea and relaxing in the Grove then we need to take it with both hands, even if we have to make hard decisions along the way. Don’t think of me in this fight. Focus on what you need to do. On the other side of this is the rest of our lives.”

Fjord nods his head slowly. That’s the thing on the horizon, the thing to aim for. 

**

Jester’s demeanor matches that of the Caduceus that Fjord walked in on when she comes into possession of the more expensive diamonds. She looks as though she’s picturing every time she’s used one before, every time they’ve lost one of them before, the prospect of losing someone else. They’re making preparations for so many of them to die. 

Veth has spent nearly the whole time with her family, which is understandable. And when she isn’t with them, Jester is with Marion. Fjord isn’t sure how much she’s told her mum about what they’re going into, but the atmosphere that periodically hangs over them all is tense, crackling with their concern, so it’s obviously not good. 

There is some relief to be had with the response they get back from their allies. From Allura and Yussa, from the Bright Queen, even. Allura has promised to bring some of her own trusted friends, too. Anything is better than just the seven of them. 

“Heroes feast for breakfast!” Jester says with forced enthusiasm as they sit down for their dinner with Marion, Yeza, Luc, and Essek. “Oh my goodness it’s just going to be all pancakes and bacon! You need to all stock up on pocket bacon for after to get your strength back up.”

Yasha’s head is resting on Beau’s shoulder. Veth is holding Yeza’s hand, quieter than usual. Essek and Caleb sit close, their bodies turned towards each other though they don’t touch. Fjord wonders if Caleb is going to say anything to him, or to Jester, before they go into battle tomorrow. He doesn’t know what he would do if he had to spend this last night without Caduceus knowing Fjord loved him. He couldn’t imagine dying in that cave and Caduceus not being absolutely certain of that. 

Beneath the table, Caduceus’ fingers stroke his knee.

Marion is doing a wonderful job of holding herself together throughout the meal. As is Yeza. It’s hard for them, they’re not going to be there, they’re not going to see the fight, they’re not going to know what’s happened until it’s all over. 

They don’t need to know that Yussa and Allura have their names, and the names of Caduceus' family, to pass on the news should the worst happen. 

Caduceus hasn’t told his family what they’re going in to. 

After dinner Yeza tells Luc to go and play with Nugget, and to her credit Marion waits until the little boy has gone before she starts to cry.

“Oh, mama! It’s okay! We’re going to be okay. We have super powerful people on our side and if it starts to go badly again then we can transport out and come back like we did last time!” Jester says, holding her mum’s hands. “There’s going to be people there who are even better than we are so they might just kill it straight out.”

It seems right for them to leave the table, to go to the tower, to leave Jester and Marion to their private time. And Yeza and Veth. 

Fjord closes the door to their room, not caring how obvious it is that he and Caduceus have disappeared together. Now isn’t the time. Right now is the time he wants to be with the man he loves in whatever capacity they can for the next few hours. 

“Have a bath with me?” Caduceus asks, already undressing as he moves through the rooms with Fjord following. 

“I’d love that,” Fjord replies. Anything Caduceus wants.

The bath has increased slightly in size as of a few weeks ago, and when Fjord walks into the bedroom the endlessly hot water is steaming softly. Caduceus sprinkles some leaves into the water, making the scent of the room take on a more floral note. 

“Big spoon or little spoon?” Caduceus asks with a smile, naked and beautiful as he wanders around the room lighting candles. 

“Big spoon,” Fjord says without hesitation, There’s part of him that thinks that if he wraps his arms around Caduceus now, makes him feel safe, then that will somehow protect him tomorrow.

That and Fjord really likes to have free rein to touch wherever he wants.

He strips and gets in whilst Caduceus finishes lighting the candles and preparing the bed for their inevitable post-bath coupling. 

The hot water eases Fjord’s tensions, though he has a few more that he knows can only be helped by Caduceus’ hands and mouth and body.

He admires that body as the cleric approaches the bath and steps in, smirking as Fjord spreads his legs to make space between them for Caduceus to sit. He is firm and warm against Fjord’s chest, and Fjord’s arms wrap around him, stroking over his sternum and belly as Caduceus’ head drops back against his shoulder. 

“We should go on vacation after this,” Fjord says as he kisses the side of Caduceus’ throat. “Just the two of us. Somewhere warm and beautiful.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Caduceus whispers, his hands on Fjord’s thighs, running slowly up and down them. 

Already Fjord can feel his cock hardening, knowing Caduceus will be able to feel it too against the small of his back. It doesn’t take a lot, Caduceus can turn him on with just a look. His left hand is beneath the water, sliding down between Caduceus’ legs and touching his gently throbbing length, making the man in his arms moan. 

“I can’t wait to get to bed with you tomorrow after this is over,” Caduceus continues, his head turned slightly to kiss Fjord’s ear. “For hours. And hours. I will make you taste the stars.”

This time Fjord moans, his fingers wrapping properly around Caduceus as he turns to meet the other man’s lips. Their tongues slide together, and Fjord doesn’t think even the stars could taste this good. 

His hand starts to stroke up and down, making Caduceus sigh sweetly and push his hips up. The movement gives a little friction to Fjord’s cock too, which is very nice. 

“I can’t get enough of you,” Fjord murmurs, not wanting to part their lips, the words mumbled against them. As much as he can pretend they’re going to be fine tomorrow, he wants to spend as much time with Caduceus as he can in case it’s the last. He wants to be pressed against him, kissing him, to commit it to memory in case it never happens again. 

Caduceus probably notices because he’s leaning more insistently against Fjord, letting the movement of his body guide Fjord’s cock up and down between his cheeks. Fjord squeezes Caduceus’ erection, stroking it slowly.

“You turn me on,” he pants, as though it’s not obvious. Caduceus laughs, a rumble in his chest that vibrates through Fjord, too. 

“I love this connection we have,” Caduceus says, moving into Fjord’s touch, moving against him. “I never dreamt I would find it with anyone.” 

“We have our whole lives to look forward to,” Fjord replies. “Together. After this. I never dreamt I would have  _ this _ with anyone.”

Caduceus’ head drops back against Fjord’s shoulder, his hair tumbling over Fjord’s upper arm. He stretches out in the bath like an offering, warm and damp and open to all the touches Fjord wants to give him. 

Fjord really wants to give him  _ everything _ . His fingers run down Caduceus’ chest from his throat all the way to his belly, watching the other man shiver at the lightness of the touch. They hover around the area a few inches above where his cock has settled, the tip swollen and dark pink. Caduceus is more patient than Fjord would be right now, that’s for sure, sprawled out and relishing the touch. 

Ignoring the obvious area of contact, Fjord’s fingers slide down to one of his thighs, below the line of the water. He lets out a breath against Caduceus’ ear, watching it twitch as Caduceus spreads his legs, hooking one over the side of the bath and opening himself up to allow an even more intimate touch. . 

Fjord’s cock jumps with approval against his back. 

“Anywhere?” he asks, unable to find any more words that would be appropriate for the moment.    
  
“Please,” Caduceus replies with a smile that Fjord can feel when the firbolg turns his head to kiss his throat. 

Fjord draws in a breath and his fingers slide lower, down between Caduceus’ spread legs, circling the tight ring of muscle he’s grown very fond of. 

“You’re wonderful, Fjord,” Caduceus sighs out a hot breath against Fjord’s throat, sending goosebumps blossoming all over his body. 

“I can be even more wonderful,” Fjord replies, increasing the pressure of one of his fingers. 

“I don’t need you to make me come to know you’re wonderful, Fjord,” the other man says as he licks a stripe up Fjord’s throat. “It’s just a thing you are.”

“But it helps, right?” Fjord teases. 

He knows that Caduceus is rolling his eyes, but Fjord is more concerned with touching him, with having Caduceus come undone on his fingers, to relax him and then take him, still damp, to bed for Fjord to enjoy his body. 

The tip of one finger breaches Caduceus and there’s a little gasp, a small jerk of the man rubbing against him. Fjord doesn’t give him long to adjust before he continues with the press of his finger, sliding it deeper, deeper. Caduceus squirms slightly, knowing where he wants Fjord’s finger but not knowing how to get it there. 

“I got you, darling, don’t worry. I won’t let you go unsatisfied,” Fjord whispers, moving in and out slowly, slowly, a drag that he knows makes Caduceus shiver. He enjoys the reaction he gets, enjoys the way the movement brings some friction to the ache between his own legs. 

Caduceus’ cock is leaking, the tip above the water giving Fjord a wonderful view of it, the way it dampens the fur of his belly, the way it twitches with interest, eager for a touch. Neither of them move to touch it, though. Caduceus will wait for Fjord, he’s given over control and he’s patient even when he’s coming apart. 

Still slowly, Fjord presses a second finger beside the first, with each push in he adds another few milimetres until he’s working two of them in and out of Caduceus’ willing body. Caduceus purrs against him, his own fingers gripping the side of the bath, sliding against Fjord aided by the soapy water. 

“Talk to me, Fjord,” his cleric whispers. “As you touch me. Talk to me.”

Fjord hums. “I love how your body grips me. How hungry you are for me-” he starts, whispering the words against Caduceus long ear, which twitches delightedly at the attention. “Like you don’t want to let me go even if you want me to fuck you harder. And I love how tight you are. It doesn’t matter what we’ve been doing, you grip me like this-” Caduceus’ muscles are fluttering around his fingers. Fjord pushes them in as deep as he can and Caduceus shudders, his cock twitching visibly against his belly, spilling precome over his skin. 

“I look at you when we’re with the others and I’m undressing you with my eyes, remembering every inch of your body and how I’ve touched it. The way you taste everywhere. How big you are in my mouth. I love touching you like this, Deucey, I love feeling you gripping me, but I love you inside me.” Fjord’s free hand moves to stroke up the length of Caduceus’ cock, and is rewarded by the sharp cant of his hips and a deep moan from his throat. “When we get back I want to feel you inside me again. I want you to make me feel everything-”

Caduceus nods against his shoulder, turning his head to press his face against Fjord’s neck now that he’s being teased in two places. His breath is hot on Fjord’s skin, and it feels wonderful. The fingers pushing in and out of him are a lot rougher than the ones that trace his cock, but Caduceus is writhing happily. His muscles clench with every pulse of pleasure, and once more Fjord pushes in deep and curls his fingers at the same time he strokes up and down his cock. 

Despite his efforts to hold back, Caduceus cries out, spurting a little against his stomach.    
  
Fjord could die happy right now if it weren’t for the thousand other things he wants to do to this wonderful man. 

“You can do better than that, Deucey,” he murmurs against the long, soft ear pressed beside his cheek. “I know you can. Show me.” With his fingers buried deep inside his lover Fjord rubs his prostate, circling it in a way that makes Caduceus shake so hard the water slops over the side of the bath. His body is strung tightly, and Fjord’s hand strokes relentlessly over his hard length. 

Caduceus screams out his pleasure as he comes, his muscles gripping Fjord’s fingers like a vice, his body tense and quaking as he rolls through his orgasm. Fjord moans, the sound like a purr rumbling through him as he starts to slow his ministrations, letting his lover ride it out before he slumps bonelessly against Fjord’s chest.    
  
Fjord’s cock is sandwiched between their bodies, enjoying the shivers and aftershocks that vibrate through Caduceus, whose heavy breathing and whimpers are almost loud enough to drown out the eager thumping of Fjord’s heart. He can be patient for a moment, though, scooping some of the still warm bath water over Caduceus’ belly and chest to clean him off, knowing too well that it might take a little while for the other man to be able to stand.

“You should take me to bed,” Caduceus whispers. “Want to feel you-”

“There’s no rush, beloved,” Fjord replies, no doubt in his mind that he’ll be rock hard for some time yet. 

Caduceus makes a sound of disagreement, pressing his hips back and drawing a surprised moan from Fjord.    
  
“I’ll take myself to bed, then,” Caduceus murmurs. “And you can follow when you’re ready.”

When Caduceus learnt to be a tease like this Fjord has no idea, but the other man is full of surprises and talents that leave Fjord breathless frequently.    
  
The bath water sloshes again as Caduceus rises, his arms and legs trembling slightly, steeling himself to retain his balance as he steps out of the tub and wobbles across to the bed, dripping as he goes.    
  
The sheets are going to be wet, Fjord thinks, but the bed is big enough for them to curl up on one side and not worry too much.    
  
He waits for Caduceus to settle himself, sprawled in an unabashed way with his legs slightly spread. He’ll still be stretched out from Fjord’s fingers, Fjord could just go over there and push inside- But, Fjord waits, tormenting himself with the temptation right before him that he’s just not taking. Caduceus, normally the most patient man on earth, tips his head to give Fjord a rather put out look, and is apparently not going to stand for Fjord biding his time, this distant teasing. Their eyes locked, Caduceus reaches for the vial of oil on the bedside table that they both knew they’d be needing later, tipping some out onto his fingers and sliding them between his legs.    
  
“Deuces,” Fjord protests, sitting up in the bath and watching. Caduceus must be sensitive, his thighs shake as he touches himself, but he’s unrelenting. This is going to be the thing that kills him. Not monsters from another reality, not unimaginable evil, but Caduceus and his unwavering ability to be the most arousing thing Fjord has ever seen.

He pulls himself slowly out of the bath, the water running in heavy rivulets down his body, and Caduceus pauses his movement, his gaze something like a weight on Fjord’s skin, following the lines of water as it slides down the panes of his muscles. 

Fjord isn’t one to call himself sexy, he doesn’t like his body enough, but Caduceus turns everything up to eleven, so there are times when it sticks, when he feels good, when he feels beautiful. 

On the bed Caduceus has ceased his touching and has just left himself open and slick, glistening and tempting Fjord closer. 

“You’re an absolute pest,” Fjord says without the slightest hint of scolding, a grin plastered on his face, his eyes soft as he meets those of his partner as slippery fingers reaching out to him. Climbing onto the bed, Fjord pushes Caduceus’ thighs apart and crawls up his body, meeting the other man’s lips in a soft, lingering kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Caduceus smiles, one of his hands reaching down between them and wrapping around Fjord, guiding him gently to his entrance. 

Fjord doesn’t hesitate, just pushes forward, wanting the closeness. Both of them moan softly as they’re joined, Fjord sliding in until he’s fully sheathed. Caduceus’ muscles flutter around him, a little over sensitive, but he leans up to initiate another kiss, longer and slower this time, their fingers tangling in each other’s hair. 

This isn’t going to be their last night. Fjord won’t let it be. He’ll bring Caduceus back to this bed tomorrow and they’ll start the rest of their lives tangled in each other’s bodies. 

Caduceus’ legs wrap around Fjord’s, lifting his hips to move against him, a shuddering breath slipping from his lips as Fjord is buried deeper. Their connection is so much more than physical, and it sings through Fjord’s body, through his every nerve and his veins and his soul. 

Their lips stay pressed together, breathing in the same air, their noses bumping, swallowing each others whimpers of pleasure every time one of them remembers to move again. Fjord is achingly hard, the heat curling in his lower body desperate for him to move faster, to press into Caduceus, to feel the bed move beneath them and with them. 

He lets out a breath, suddenly hungry for just that and knowing Caduceus won’t begrudge him chasing his pleasure. Fjord nips at the other man’s lower lip and he feels Caduceus grin, as though he knows what Fjord is thinking. It wouldn’t be the first time his partner was just that perceptive. 

Fjord’s arms brace against the bed, keeping him down low so that they can still kiss as he uses the grounding to help him thrust forward hard, knocking a breath from Caduceus as he does so. He barely lets his firbolg draw a breath before he thrusts in again, spurred on by the sweet noises and the sight of Caduceus’ eyelashes fluttering, his ears relaxed, his hair fanned out around his head. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Fjord pants, building up the tempo until Caduceus is humming out soft moans and a sweat is prickling Fjord’s skin. He can feel fingers sliding up and down the muscles in his back, not quite gripping on but certainly holding Fjord close. 

He gets this for the rest of his life. 

He closes his eyes for a moment and rests their foreheads together, grinding into Caduceus and basking in the feeling of his tightening, fluttering muscles. 

Between their bodies Caduceus is twitching back to hardness, and Fjord tries to slow to get Caduceus back where he needs to be.

“No, don’t worry about me,” Caduceus says softly, purrs the words against Fjord’s ear. “This is for you. I want you to let yourself go.”

Fjord wishes he could be the better man right now and get his lover worked up again, wishes he could be that selfless and generous, but he’s already heading for the peak, the sweet pleasure in his body thrumming with every movement. He’s not, he can’t, he isn’t. He groans in reply, resuming the harder, faster pace of his thrusts, being spurred on by the gasps that return to Caduceus’ lips, the clenching of his muscles around him, the way fingers dig into his back. 

“I love you. I love you so much,” Fjord babbles, the words barely audible over their heavy breathing and little moans. “Tomorrow, tomorrow we’ll go for hours. Tomorrow-” he continues, his voice cracking and his words cutting off as his pleasure begins to crest. Fjord kisses Caduceus until he needs to break for air, until he’s gasping in and coming with a loud cry, hips stuttering but still pushing in hard. 

Caduceus’ hands smooth up and down his back in long, soothing strokes, dipping into his hair every so often, keeping Fjord close. As his breathing calms Fjord lets himself lean forward, kissing Caduceus again, soft and lingering. For now the tension has bled from his body, the concern, the worry, for now everything seems possible, tomorrow seems a fight they can win. 

***

He stands at the cusp of the rocky outcropping at the base of a mountain no more than two hundred metres from the entrance of the cave they had so narrowly escaped from last time. It’s innocuous, doesn’t imply there’s anything inside it that could end the world. 

The rest of the Nein are dotted around behind him along with Yussa and Allura, off to the side and speaking quietly together. Pumat and Caduceus are sat making tea as Fjord watches a large eagle swoop down towards them and change into Reani.

“There doesn’t seem to be any other way in on the opposite side of the mountain. The whole thing is solid so-” she looks around, fidgeting and nervous. “Is it time?”

Allura breaks off from her conversation to reply. “I’m just waiting on my companions. They shouldn’t be long now.”

“Other members of the Tal’Dorei council?” Beau asks for maybe the third or fourth time, sceptical. Fjord doesn’t really blame her, when he thinks of council members he thinks of the ones they’ve encountered in various grand halls; old, withered former warriors who’s physical prowess may have gotten them where they were but had fallen to age. They didn’t need wise words now. 

Essek and Caleb are leaning in close to each other again, their heads bowed together, speaking but only at length. A book is open on Caleb’s lap though their conversation might have diverted from its contents.

Veth is going through her bag, counting her arrows, arranging them by function. 

There’s a shimmer in the air that draws everyone’s attention for the moment before two bodies materialise. Astrid sweeps a hand through her hair smoothly, looking around with a polite nod to everyone gathered. Eadwulf looks a little less amicable, if that is possible, but his attention drifts to Caduceus, who is looking up with a friendly smile. Fjord knows it doesn’t mean anything, Caduceus is interested in people, Eadwulf interests him. This isn’t the time, and Fjord is glad that there’s no hint of jealousy trying to gnaw at him and distract him. 

Caleb has stood from his conversation with Essek and is making introductions. How he managed to convince Astrid and Eadwulf to come no one knows, but it might be the immensity of the threat that has secured them. 

So now it’s just Allura’s friends they’re waiting on. Fjord paces, moving around the gathering slowly and steadily. Yasha gets up after a moment to join him, walking a few steps behind.

The sudden arrival of seven more bodies is somewhat startling.

“I can’t believe we managed to get it so accurate. Good job!” a human man with white hair and a neat white beard comments as he looks around. He may be in his late thirties or early forties, but Fjord isn’t that great at aging people. Flanking him are two elves, identical but for their gender. Fjord’s eyes barely linger on them, drawn instead to the mountain of a man behind them, his black beard showing patches of grey beneath his lips and at his temples. He looks back at Fjord, tips his head with a nod of acknowledgment. When Fjord resumes his cataloguing there’s another elf, her gaze already turned towards the cave as though she knows that’s where they’re going and senses what is in there. And two gnomes. Fjord knows better than to doubt their prowess just because of their size. 

Allura has stepped forward to greet them all and now turns to the Nein and their allies. “These are my colleagues from the Tal’Dorei council, formerly - and still, when the mood takes them - known as Vox Machina,” she says. “And these are the Mighty Nein and some of their friends.”

“Wonderful. Wonderful to meet you,” the human says, beaming around at them all. “Well, I’m Perciv- Percy, and-” he looks around, gauging whether or not now would be the time for a rather extensive introduction. “-uh. Well. I guess we’d better get to fighting. The sooner we fight the sooner we can celebrate.”

Fjord appreciates the enthusiasm and the gusto with which the words are delivered even if they seem a little grand. Then again, this human and his friends have clearly seen some things, they’ve probably killed a lot of terrors in their time. 

It’s a lot more difficult to get a small army of people stealthily into a cave than it is a tiny group. Fjord wants to fall back and walk beside Caduceus, but for some reason (and despite years of Veth saying the contrary) everyone seems to be looking to Fjord to lead this. Beau walks beside him, her head high, striking an intimidating picture, and he’s glad for her. 

They have their positions mapped out, magic users intermingled with those with ranged weapons, clerics littered among them where there is the most cover. Allura and Yussa take opposite sides, and Fjord and everyone with melee weapons brace themselves on ground level for the assault. 

The beast is quiet for the moment but it’s rumbles are audible, echoing off of the cave walls as they make their way forward. As a group they pause just at the entrance to the main chamber, turning to each other and doing whatever last minute prep or prayers they need to do. Kisses are exchanged between members of Vox Machina, and Fjord looks around at his party. He feels like he should be making a rousing speech now, but he has nothing. 

“Good luck, Mighty Nein,” Caleb says in his stead, looking around at them all with something akin to pride in his eyes. “We will see each other on the other side.”

Jester makes a round of hugging everyone, and Yasha and Beau step into each other’s embrace. Fjord reaches for Caduceus, who moves towards him in turn. Their arms wrap around each other, Fjord’s face pressing into Caduceus’ neck, feeling the warmth of lips firm but fleeting against his head. They linger, but Fjord doesn’t care if there are comments made, he needs this. 

“Ah, brotherly love,” Veth says softly, grinning at them both when they’ve pulled back. “Okay, lets go.”

Fjord doesn’t need lights to see, but the presence of the dancing lights makes him feel comforted as they hover above their heads, floating up to the ceiling. The beast slumbers on, confident in its own power, cocky in its assuredness that nothing can kill it. It is bigger than before, energy crackles beneath its skin. Into his hand Fjord summons the Star Razor and holds it aloft, waiting one heartbeat, two heartbeats, three- his heart is beating so fast it’s not a good measure of time. 

He looks at Beau, she draws a breath then glances at him and gives him a nod. Fjord brings down the sword and is shocked at the way the cave lights up with spells and fire and an echoing, explosive sound. Before he and Beau even run forward he can see the initial hit has done a lot of damage before the beast has even woken. Eldrich blasts fly from his fingertips to add to the growing carnage, the mess of the beasts front as it pulls itself to its feet and tries to respond, tries to strike out at them, but the abundance of attacks confuses it. 

The few swipes it gets in in its first blind rage are easily dodged. Fjord drops to the floor and feels a spot that will probably bruise later but that’s a small price to pay. He swings his blade at the striking limb and leaves a long tear in it, ducking out of the way of a spray of ichor and a blue flash of something that pulses out. It might be harmless but that’s not a risk he wants to take.

Back on his feet Fjord watches as Beau parkours up the side of the beast and punches it. He has no time to linger on that, though, ducking again as the limb swings around once more, taking another swipe at it with Star Razor. He and Yasha are in close, and one of the elven twins is nearby, zipping around with daggers in a method that is staggeringly efficient. Fjord doesn’t know where half of the ballista are coming from but they’re working amazingly well. Lightning is arcing in from somewhere, so when Fjord gets near to the main body of the beast the air is a little static. 

Fjord focuses on himself, because worrying about Caduceus isn’t going to help him, it isn’t going to get anything done. No, he’s fighting now because he is fighting for their future, he’s fighting for peace for his friends, he’s fighting to save the world one more time. 

The beast above him shivers and stills for a moment, clearly stunned by one of Beau’s punches, and all of the melee fighters take the opportunity to get a few hits in on it’s softer underbelly. A swing from Yasha’s greatsword does a wide slash across the front of it’s chest, leaving a large, gaping wound that oozes more of the ichor and shoots out a spike of that energy that has been cracking beneath its skin. 

Yasha and Fjord take a hit, he sees Yasha get thrown backwards first before his whole body tenses, his control over his muscles removed for the time being, his mind blanking. He doesn’t feel himself hit the floor, but when he opens his eyes he’s staring at the ceiling. Fjord holds up his hand and points it towards the beast, firing off more Eldrich blasts. He wants to throw up, he also wants to go to sleep, but he isn’t going to do either of those things. 

Out of the corner of his eye he can see a few of the massive limbs twitching and quivering, trying to stir back into life. But the onslaught is continuous, spell after spell after arrow after bullet. Fjord shakes, trying to push himself back up into a seated position at the very least, and if the blood chilling screams are any indication then they’re nearly done. Victory would be on the tip of his tongue, but his tongue feels three times bigger than normal. 

Fjord listens to the sounds of a large creature dying, and the light on the ceiling dances with the purple light that seems to reside within the breast. It’s getting brighter, Fjord thinks distantly. It’s kind of pretty 

Somewhere else he hears a call of “Get back! Take cover!” and Fjord breathes out. He can’t move. He’s within blasting distance of this creature and doesn’t have the energy to put up a shield. He thinks of Caduceus, of his beautiful face and his smile. The rumble of his laughter. How happy he’s been the last few months. How he never thought he’d be loved and now he knows it. Now he’s known it. What a wonderful thing. The Wildmother will be there, waiting for him. He’ll thank Her for this path, for entwining his with Caduceus’. For them to have had this time-

“Hey, beautiful,” Caduceus appears beside him suddenly, pushing Fjord further into the ground as his long body curls up over him. He leans in close, shielded arm held up behind him offering protection to their upper bodies. Fjord is cocooned in his firbolg, surrounded by him, and he lets out a breath. 

Fjord lifts a heavy hand to touch Caduceus’ cheek, bringing him down for a kiss. He meets no resistance, their lips touching as the cave around them is lit up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! One more chapter! Today I've also posted another terrible Fjord/Caduceus fic, a Caleb/Caduceus fic, and a Percy/Vax'ildan fic. I'm building my armada, mostly with anything related to Taliesin and Liam. Go check them out. Or don't. It's cool either way. 
> 
> If you want me I'm usually using discord to distract myself at work, so hmu at ~ Tulli#0322, or on tumblr where I violently reblog my favourite ships whilst crying into my tea ~hey-tulli
> 
> Take care of yourselves and be kind to each other

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song of the same name by Andrew Belle, though it's kind of a sad song. 
> 
> Next chapter will be up in a few days. 
> 
> Hit me up on Discord at Tulli#0322. I need Fjorclay friends. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves, and be kind to each other.


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